A New Attitude

The biggest change in your 40's is the "I don't care" attitude.

It's not that you don't care about yourself or others, but you stop placing so much emphasis on what others think and start focusing more on your needs. Titles don't mean much and "important people" no longer intimidate or impress you.  It's not that you don't respect others...now they have to earn your respect rather than getting it immediately because they have a title.  Family begins to take on a greater meaning in your life and the time comes when you start taking stock of those who belong around you and decide who has worn out their welcome and who is just not worth the time or the effort.

My inner rant and motivation for "house cleaning" in the family began last week when I discovered my cousin's son was in town with his wife and kids for a visit. I found out they were around through the grapevine, not because they actually picked up a phone and called. Ever. And it's not like I did something to them, or said something offensive about them. They just can't be bothered.

My cousin lives in Calgary and only associates with "important people". Translated: they have to have a title. For example, his loud-mouthed cousin in Detroit has a daughter who graduated medical school. Therefore, because her daughter is a doctor, "the mouth" is therefore important. Now if my cousin associates with her, he is somehow elevated on the "status scale" because his cousin's daughter is a doctor. Ya with me? Good. So I am your average citizen who works hard and lives a good life, yet I am without a fancy title. So am I worthy? Apparently not. I always thought he and I got along well, that we were family and we stuck by each other. I'm such a dreamer! So imagine my shock, and horror, when he and his family ignored my wedding invitation five years ago. They did not respond yes or no for attendance, and they did not send a card, leave a voice message or even chip away at their computer to send a quick e-mail. Radio silence - nothing - nada. Now when his first son got married (the one in the paragraph above who doesn't know how to use a phone) my entire family flew to Calgary for the wedding, paid for a hotel to stay in, and provided the requisite card and monetary gift. My parents also GAVE him a car (albeit an older one but in excellent condition) because he and his new wife could not afford one. So that is the quick and dirty background story. 

Now my cousin and his wife, after about six months of not hearing from me, thought that perhaps they had made a mild faux pas in ignoring my wedding and thought it prudent to send a handwritten card, not to apologize or wish my husband and I well, but to justify their position which, in a nutshell, was "we thought you knew we wished you the best". It was quite patronizing and demeaning (and I should really post it for opinions because all my friends who read it said unprintable things about it) and when I received it I was livid. Now, I laugh as I think about it because I wasted so much time trying to get my cousin and his brainless wife to like me and accept me. What a waste of time that was. And that's what happens at some point after the age of 40 - you start to separate the fat from the cream and discard what you don't need. And who needs degrading, demeaning people in their lives?

My cousin's kid always calls my mother for lunch whenever he comes to town. Lately, he's been telling her how his dad never told him I was getting married (whatever!) and how sorry he is that they missed the wedding. So on the surface, we think "hey, he's not so bad". But when you think about it, why is he apologizing to my mother? She's not the one who was snubbed. Why doesn't he call me or my husband to tell us this? Well, I have the answer to that one too - my mom is the one with money. I really would love to have lunch with these two and mention that the will's been written and they're not in it. Wanna know how fast they'd stop calling my mom when they breezed through town?

Of course, my cousin's two other sons got married after I did. And the family had the audacity to send my husband and I wedding invitations. We responded like they did - no response. Yea, it's petty, but it made me feel good. And so that side of the family, as far as I'm concerned, doesn't exist. 

But you know, I still do have revenge fantasies about them. I dream that I win the lottery - some big obscene amount of money. Of course, my name would be in the papers. Do you want to guess how fast they would remember my phone number? And then I would answer (well, my personal assistant would answer) and I, from the background, would say quite loudly "Greg and Patti WHO???" Yea it's petty...and so what? It makes me smile.

But that is what your 40's are about - clarity. In my 20's and 30's I put up with my cousin's crap, their insults, their "we're too busy to see you when we come into town" routines, and my personal favorite "Give me two weeks notice before you come into Calgary so I can make time for you". Because he's so important and so busy. What he doesn't know is that my brother-in-law is also in Calgary and works in the same field as he does, and is much busier than my cousin could ever hope to be. However, the difference is that if I showed up on my brother-in-law's doorstep unannounced I would be welcomed with open arms. And that is what family is...and those are the people you keep close to you. The other ones like my cousin and his brood? You learn to say goodbye and make room in your life for new people to enter. 

The Triumphant Return of Soap

You know, over the last few years, the humble bar of soap has taken a beating in the cosmetic industry. We've been told not to use it on our faces but to invest in liquid cleansers that are supposed to protect our skin and be more gentle on it.

Now I've tried many liquid cleansers, from Bobbi Brown to La Prairie to Clinique to Usana. And here's what happens...they don't clean my skin. I don't care what the advertising says...they don't work. How do I know this? Well, let's talk about breakouts. When I use a liquid cleanser, I have breakouts. I'm 45...I thought my skins problems ended in my teens...its ridiculous to have breakouts at my age. Of course the cosmetic sales people clucked in sympathy and told me the breakouts are because the liquid is actually cleansing my skin and the impurities are coming to the surface. Therefore, the breakouts. Okay, I can buy that...for the first two weeks. But for six months? It's nothing more than jargon to get you to spend a lot of money on their cleansers. And here's another trick I discovered: after removing my makeup with makeup removing cloths and then washing my face with a liquid cleanser, when I dried it on a clean white towel I got makeup on the towel. And that's the real reason I was getting breakouts - my face was still dirty.

Now I say it's time to return to the good old-fashioned bar of soap, and here's why. In my frustration with liquid cleansers and being a victim of the recession like everyone else, I impulsively bought an 8-pack of olive oil soap that was on sale at Costco for about $9.00. I had planned to use it in the shower - it's 100% organic and contains olive oil and aloe vera and, because I have dry skin, I thought it would help moisturize it at the same time. And did I mention it was a really good price?? However, I was in the shower when I opened up the soap and thought I may as well give my face a good scrub before I use it on my body.

Now I took a chance doing this since I have sensitive skin. (yet another reason why I was told I MUST use liquid cleansers) So I was kind of surprised that my face was soft and not at all red or irritated from using this soap. My skin actually felt pretty good. So, I got another bar of the soap and put it by the sink to use on my face at night. I used it for a week every night before I went to bed and what I discovered was that I had no breakouts anymore and my pores actually started getting tighter, something I was starting to worry about because I had never had large pores and I was getting them.

So, this wonderful olive oil soap is called Neolia and, as I said, I found it at Costco. Where else you can get it, I don't know. I do know I am going back to Costco and buying as many 8-packs of this soap as I can afford to just in case they decide not to carry it anymore (like they did with Tony Romas Hot Sauce, but I digress...)

And my liquid face cleansers? They've all found a new home...the garbage.

Cancer - What is the cure?

I have been passing along the information I've learned about my sister-in-law to another cancer patient. And I must say the lack of information available to cancer patients is pretty abysmal given the so called "power" of the internet.

With so many number one and top-of-the-heap cancer centres, why is there no real information for these people? Why is there not one central location to access information that doesn't cost anyone anything, that offers herbal and pharmaceutical information on a 50-50 basis? Why, if we have donated so many billions of dollars to cancer research, is there no cure? Why is there no information? Shouldn't we expect something from all our money? If there is no cure, is there no hope?

All I find on the web are pharmaceutical companies or those looking to make a proflt off cancer. And I guess cancer is pretty profitable. But why is there no REAL information?

Am I on a rant? Yes, I am. I am tired of pharmaceutical companies making money off of people. I am very tired of doctors who are prescribing medication, not because it helps, but because they profit off writing the prescription. I am tired of cancer patients undergoing radiation testing that actually feeds the cancer. I am really tired of talking to cancer patients and passing on information that should be readily available. I am tired of crying myself to sleep knowing that good people are dying. In one word - I am tired of being a one-woman repository for information.

Yes, it is selfish. It is not moral, normal, humane or decent. But I have to admit I am tired of listening to stories that break my heart...that illustrate the strength of a dying soul...that point out my human deficiencies...that shatter my belief in God and fairness in the world...I am tired and scared yet I feel I must be the rock for these people brave enough to fight the disease and feel the need to vent because they don't want to burden their families. And I am safe for now...

And that's why I am tired. And I wish there were more people out there who were tired...and fed up...and ready ask all these agencies who take donations to fight cancer - where is the cure? I know it's there. We've donated billions of dollars to research. You must have found the answer by now. What is it?

When cancer strikes a family

We, like any family, always sympathized with the news of others being stricken by cancer. However, when it strikes one of your members, it's like being hit in the head with a baseball bat.

In our case, my sister-in-law was the one who got the bad news. This is a woman who never smoked, rarely drank, ate healthy organic food and exercised. She was very active and worked full-time while running a home-based business. In other words, she did everything "right".  

After getting over the initial shock, we were further dismayed to learn that because of the nature of her cancer and the severity, she could not have chemotherapy, radiation and our last hope, surgery, was out of the question. While the doctors and hospitals were most helpful, they basically said there was nothing more they could do and she was sent home to live out her last days.

Our family did not accept this. There must be other things out there that she could try and we would be damned if we were going to sit around without doing anything. We talked to people...we researched...and we decided to try whatever else we could find to buy her time and get her healthy again. 

We are not doctors. We work closely with her doctor who is very open to the concept of alternative remedies and uses them regularly in his practice. We are also very open to other forms of healing, both spiritual and herbal, and are lucky to have a family friend whose father is a medicine man. We are grateful for his help as well.

So after all this, these are the alternative therapies we have discovered and are currently using on my sister-in-law. If this information is even of value to one person out there, then this post has been worthwhile.

1. Nano-silver. She has just started taking nano-silver. We discovered it while talking to a man who also had cancer and used it. He is now cancer free and was so impressed with the product that he is currently negotiating to buy a company that produces nano-silver. Now there is some controversy about the residual effects of the metal in the system. Our medicine man advised that if one takes nano-silver, you must also eat dark, green vegetables (spinach, broccoli, asparagus, etc.) in order to help break down the toxins.

2. Start juicing, and in particular use juice carrots and garlic together. If you need some sweetness, add half an apple to the mixture. This tip came from a friend of ours who went to a cancer clinic in Mexico and had carrot juice and garlic every day in addition to other herbs. She is now cancer-free.

3. Use turmeric in your cooking, or get turmeric capsules. 

4. Get losts of fresh air. Cancer hates fresh air. My sister-in-law goes for two walks outside in a park every day for 30 minutes. You do not have to power walk...a leisurely walk will do.

5. Remove all traces of sugar from your diet. Cancer loves sugar, so don't eat it. Read the labels on food and do not ingest anything that has sugar. You'd be surprised where sugar hides.

6. Cut out white bread, white flour and white rice from your diet. For bread, buy whole grains.

7. When bathing, run the tub with water as warm as you can stand. Add a mixture of one cup epsom salts, one cup baking soda and one tsp of dry mustard. You can gently rub the epsom salts and baking soda on your skin to cleanse and exfoliate. This mixture will remove dirt while leaving the good bacteria on your skin. Soaps tend to kills germs and good bacteria. The dry mustard draws out toxins. After having this bath, it is important you do not use any product that has chemicals or artificial scents (makeup, hairspray, fragrance, etc.) because these products contain toxins and your body is too weak to fight additional toxins. If you need deodorant, mix cornstarch, backing soda and water in a spritzer bottle and spray it under your arms. This information came from our medicine man.

8.  Our medicine man asked if my sister-in-law had rocks in her home. Sure, she answered. She had some around a candle and in a vase with her bamboo plant. He told her to remove them. Stones absorb everything, including memories and disease. Take them outside and put them back on the earth to ground them. This includes jewelry that contains black onyx. If you have that on your body, take it off. If it's in your home, put it in a baggie or other container and place it in a garage or somewhere out of the house.

9. On the spiritual side, I followed the medicine man's advice. Find a tree, face the east, sprinkle tobacco on the west side of the tree as you say your prayer, and then walk away remembering not to look at the tobacco as you leave.

10. When my sister-in-law is stronger, she will be going to a sweat lodge. I don't know what will happen but I have heard many good things about them.

So this it for us. We are trying whatever we can find and we trust that all these efforts will result in helping our sister-in-law get stronger, healthier and ultimately cancer-free. 

The latest scam - BIM

I'm getting really tired of casual acquaintances calling me up to invite me over under the pretext of a business opportunity. Of course, they absolutely CANNOT tell me about it on the phone. Red flag number one.

The latest escapade occurred when some friends of ours were in town and invited us to dinner. Oh, and they had a business opportunity to discuss with us. Fine...where do you want to meet? They named the restaurant but insisted they pick us up. That for me was a red flag - coming to get us is well out of their way. Why can't we meet at the restaurant? Absolutely not...and they did indeed pick us up.

So after a nice meal, with me slightly on guard, they appeared to be their usual selves. Nothing was said about a business. As it was time to leave, they insisted on paying the bill and we went. About 30 seconds away from our home, the bomb dropped - did we mind if they invited their in-laws to our place? I'm thinking no...and why? The truth hit when another car met us in my driveway and I was ambushed in my own home.

The other couple came in and promptly set up a laptop computer. I didn't have a chance to speak as the BIM presentation took over. Of course, it's the same old schpeil - put out a big chunk of money and reap huge profits by signing up others for this "wonderous opportunity". In this case, it's $3,200 that we "invest" in this "growing" company and do nothing. Naturally, this scheme would not work if a photocopy of the $18,000 cheque made out, coincidentally, to one of their "cousins", was not produced. And, if you appear sceptical as we did, we were told that many members are from the RCMP and Canada Revenue Agency, so it must be legitimate or cops wouldn't be signing up and neither would staff from the taxation department.

So what is BIM (aka "Business in Motion")? Although I was cautioned over and over about not talking about it, I think it's time we did. Apparently, if you fork out this money you will receive some sort of coupon that entitles you to stay in luxury resorts at a fraction of the price the rest of the suckers in the world pay.

I inquired if this business was on the internet. Absolutely not, I was told. Also, it was only (ONLY) in Canada and would be moving into the U.S. so we were on the ground floor of a bank breaking opportunity to reap in huge sums of money for doing...guess what...nothing. Well, except recruit new members. But really, nothing. I don't know about anyone else, but throughout my entire life I have never been paid huge sums of money for sitting on my duff. 

So, ever the researcher, I later went on my computer and discovered:

1. People are selling BIM memberships on the internet.

2. Some of those with BIM web sites are in the U.S.

3. No one has commented positively or negatively about their experiences using the BIM coupons and staying in these luxury resorts. This is the information age...everything is on the internet. Did you get the cheap price they promise? Was it a ripoff? Why has no one anywhere posted anything about these coupons? Do they even exist?

So after bidding a final "adieu" to the uninvited guests, we are now forced to screen our calls as the "friends" who took us for dinner call incessantly wanting to know if we want to invest in this "great opportunity". My husband is disgusted...I am disgusted. A family friendship that spans more than 35 years is now on the chopping block thanks to BIM.

In another twist of fate, just two days after the ambush I ran into an old co-worker who also happens to know the people we met for dinner. He asked me if they tried to pawn off BIM to me. I said they had. He told me about a couple he knew who got solicited by our "friends" and have been waiting over a year just to recoup their initial investment...money these people could not afford to lose. They've been calling our "family friends" but no one ever returns their calls. No wonder they're all so desperate to sign someone up.

So in the end, I'm not supposed to discuss BIM with anyone at any time. Guess what...I'm talking about it. To everyone I know because that's how these scams work - they demand secrecy while appealing to people's greed. They warn you that if you talk about it and it gets to the wrong ears, you won't reap the profits that are promised.

We were supposed to go to the explanatory meeting which, I'm told by someone else I know who got sucked into going on a pretext, is like some sort of revival meeting complete with a "cancer survivor" who stands up to give a tearful thank you to BIM. Apparently, she appears day after day and does her crocodile tear routine. BIM saved her. Geez...how come scientists haven't seen the correlation between BIM travel vouchers and a cure for cancer???

For more information, see the Better Business Bureau report on this company.

Watch a segment from an investigative news program called Marketplace where they took hidden cameras into a BIM meeting.
http://www.cbc.ca/marketplace/2009/easy_money/main.html.

Why do people really dislike Stephen Harper?

Am I the only one getting really tired of reading the same old tired schtick about Harper? How many times can you hear that "he can't be trusted" coming from the mouths of politicians who swore up and down they would never do a deal with the Bloc and then they did behind everyone's back? How often can you watch the head shaking and clucking from the Liberals who brought you, among other things, Adscam, and not start to snicker? 

How many times can you hear that Harper "refuses to work with other parties" from opposition politicians who say outright "there's nothing he can say or do to make us work with him"?

How many times can you hear that Harper's a "liar" from the mouth of a man who said Harper rejected his economic proposal but neglects to mention that the "solution" was only of benefit to Quebec when Harper is trying to put something together for the entire country? Sorry Gilles...lying by omission to skew public opinion is the same is lying. (Wasn't your father one of the greatest actors in Quebec? Aren't actors professional liars? Does the apple fall far from the tree?) Or, do I want to hear that Harper is "liar" from a man whose strategist claimed (more than once and even continued with the assertion even after the CTV interviewer challenged her on it) that the coalition will immediately have cheques ready for people who have lost their jobs and are in financial difficulty? How stupid do you think the public is?

How many times can you say he's a "bully"? Did he kick sand in your face? Did he catch you in the hallway and twist your arm until you said "mother"? Who was it that went behind everyone's back, including the voters of this country, hatched a scheme to overthrow him, started up a smear campaign in the House and in the media and then berated him for not wanting to stand there and take it? Let's go one step further...who wanted an apology on top of all this to further ridicule the man? And by the way, I'm so glad he did not apologize to the real bullies because a true leader would never cave in to that kind of pressure and publicly humiliate himself in order to appease others. Harper stood his ground, and that right there tells me that he has the confidence and composure to handle anything that comes at him from any part of the world. And that is who I want leading this country.

And finally...what really pisses me off...is hearing over and over from the Coalition that "the House", "the members" and "this Parliament" have lost confidence in Harper and that's why they're doing what they're doing. Excuse me, but I really don't give a rip whether you all have confidence in him or not. It's the voters who make that decision, and we decided 7 weeks ago. And don't even pretend that you consulted with voters prior to implementing your sorry little coup attempt. Note to Stephane and Jack: the voters rejected each of you and your party platforms. THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT WANT YOU LEADING THE COUNTRY THAN THOSE WHO DO. I don't know how much simpler the statement has to be for you both to understand it. And a special note to Stephane: under your leadership, your party lost more seats this time. Part of it is because we see you as an incompetent leader, but also because the voters are not stupid and we have not forgotten the shenanigans of the Liberal party under Chretian and Martin.

However, the sad reality is that the more you repeat something, the truer it becomes in people's minds and the opposition leaders know this. That's why the same phrases are repeated ad nauseum. I don't know Stephen Harper. I probably will never meet him. I don't like or dislike him. But here is how I look at him. He is the leader of the governing party. He is their public representative. He's not the one making all the decisions - it's the team of people you don't see behind closed doors hammering out policy. He is simply the voice that presents it. If you don't like him, that's fine. If you like him, that's fine. But really keep in mind that whether you love him or hate him, he is not "the party in power". He is their spokesperson. So call him evil, call him a liar, call him whatever name you want...stand on a podium and do it...and lower yourself to the level of those in the Coalition.

Here is how I see the big picture. Harper looks professional, is a very good speaker, and is intelligent in his own right. Now who do I want negotiating with world leaders? Who do I want the world to see as our representative and leader? Do I want a sputtering, twitching man who can't speak english and has temper tantrums when he doesn't get his own way, or screams he wants "one more chance" when the answer he gives doesn't get the right response from the questioner? Do I want a socialist representing us in negotiations on NAFTA? No and no. I want a confident, intelligent person who is capable of verbalising Canada's position on any matter to anyone in the world and standing his ground. 

Picture this: NAFTA negotiations. Hillary Clinton is at the helm for the U.S. Who do you think can best put forward the interests of Canada - Harper, Dion or Layton?

That image alone is enough to convince me that Mr. Harper should be representing our country.

What does a coalition government mean for Canada?

As frightening as it is, it appears that the opposition parties have banded together for greed and glory and are poised to overthrow the elected Conservative government. So what does this mean for the average Canadian? What can we expect to see when this transformation takes place? A couple of things...

1. Whenever a government is overthrown, the country is seen to be politically unstable. That means that foreign investment in the country grinds to a halt. Expect to see job losses and further losses on your retirement and other investments.

2. The Liberals and NDP do not see eye-to-eye on crucial policies. In-fighting will be the norm and we will continue to be seen as politically unstable. Expect financial losses to be long term rather than short term.

3. Expect to see Quebec reap the biggest rewards while Giles Duceppe sits on his unholy thrown in this triarchy. Duceppe will have a hand in running the country, although he only represents Quebec. This to me is the mother of all stupidity - how does someone whose only mandate is to represent the interests of one province end up on a coalition that governs the country? Duceppe does nothing without huge concessions given to Quebec.

4. Picture the stuttering, twitching Stephane Dion representing our country on the world stage. Whenever he speaks in his halting, broken english, expect him to throw his hands in the air and demand he get "one more chance" to say whatever it is he's trying to spit out.

5. GIven the hatred of Americans by the Liberals, NDP and Bloc, you can expect them to wreak havoc on trade relations with the United States, our biggest trading partner and closest ally. If you think we're in a financial crisis now, picture our biggest trading partner pulling away. Then we can stop talking about recession and replace it with the word depression.

6. As anyone who lives in Manitoba can tell you, being ruled by the NDP is the closest thing to living in a communist country. In "Ban"itoba, economic development is so far down the priority list it doesn't exist. The NDP pats itself on the back whenever they create new government positions for their friends and laud it as "job creation". Infrastructure and business development takes a back seat to coddling welfare recipients. Raping rainy day funds for spending sprees is nothing new to these clowns and Manitoba now has nothing left in the coffers. What does the province have to show for it? Nothing, except Gary Doer's big greedy hand stuck out begging for more federal transfer payments. I should also mention that Manitobans are taxed to death and can always look forward to new taxes being created. You have no choice in auto insurance - you must get it from a government agency and must pay their overinflated premiums. I could go on and on, but the real question is how different is Jack Layton? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Your hard earned money? It will be gone.

7. Expect the GST to go back up and more taxes to be added. If you think you're family is struggling now, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

8. As an aside, isn't overthrowing the government called treason? Just wondered...

So overall, the trio of greed (and make no mistake - this only about personal greed and power) will probably get their way and rule the once great Canada. After all, they've been threatening non-confidence votes from the moment the Conservatives took office. If you can't get elected, then you have to sneak in through the backdoor, which in and of itself speaks volumes about their integrity and respect for the Canadian electoral process. The only solution I can see right now is that the West does indeed separate so those of us who actually do believe in the principles of democracy have somewhere to live, or we wear out the knees of our pants begging our American relatives to sponsor us into the U.S.