Loving Life After 40

Culture Shock

2010-10-04T19:51:00.000-05:00

In addition to the usual road signs, in the country we have spotted these signs meaning to watch for the horse and buggy on the road.

Yes, there are Amish in the area and they do everything the old fashioned way. They do not have cars, running water or electricity.

In the summer it doesn't seem like such a bad thing, but I sure do feel sorry for them when winter comes.

Goodbye City Life!

2010-08-28T11:45:00.000-05:00

After my sister-in-law got sick and passed away, my husband and I saw it as a wake up call. Were we going through the motions of life without really living? Were we doing things because its what others expected of us? Were we living the life we wanted?

In my sister-in-law's case, she and her husband worked hard all their lives and saved and saved and saved so they would have a very comfortable retirement. So now they were wealthy and could do whatever they wanted, except she was dying and no amount of money in the world could bring back her health. So where did all this saving and sacrificing get them?

My husband missed his hometown and the people. We missed the sense of small town comraderie you just don't get in the city. We reminisced about the mountains and valleys; the trees and grass; the fresh clean air; the northern lights; the quiet; the freedom; the fresh produce readily available from any number of sources; the peace; the unrushed way of living; and finally I said to him "okay...I'll do it". And that's how we ended up moving from the city.

We retired from our jobs. We sold everything - our house, our property and our furniture. We took the money and built a new house on a three acre piece of property and we bought the local restaurant from a lady who had purchased it from my husband's parents. The restaurant was in his blood - he grew up in it. Cooking was in my blood. And that's how we ended up here...in a small town surrounded by cattle and grain farms. This is our life now...and we couldn't be happier.

Supernatural Santana

2010-03-08T08:50:00.004-06:00

We recently were in Las Vegas and took in the Supernatural Santana show.

It was probably the best purchase we made while we were in Vegas. (since the only thing paying out at the casinos were the ATMs...) I was about six rows from the stage and felt like I could reach out and touch him. It almost felt like an intimate concert just for us. Well, except for the stupidly drunk women in front of us who kept blocking the view so see who was looking at them gyrate.

You know, I've learned that no matter what your age or how good you look or how well-mannered you are, the right amount of alcohol can turn anyone into a sloppy, disgusting, obnoxious buffoon. One of the ladies in front of me was in her 40's, very well dressed, and soft-spoken with a southern drawl. She and her late-teen or twenty-something year-old daughter were taking pictures before the concert, laughing and generally having a good time with what appeared to be the group of women and their daughters. However, as we waited for the concert to begin, their double martinis were just going down a bit too well and too quickly. By the time the second or third song was played, and many martinis later, they were jumping around like pogo sticks and brazenly cursing anyone who asked them to sit down. Security stood at the side, staring at the women with the "what should we do look". People around were just shaking their heads. We all got a break when the woman in front me had to get up suddenly and weave her way out of the aisle because, as she hastily told her daughter, "I gotta puke". Her daughter, who was not quite so brave when her mother wasn't around, actually sat for a couple of songs so the rest of us could watch the show. At that point everyone started dancing and no one cared so the rest of the concert went well.

The next day I was in the gift shop at Caesar's Palace (where we were staying) to pick up a couple of bottles of water. I got in line behind someone who was purchasing water as well. The woman in front of me turned sideways and I realized it was the lady-turned-obnoxious-drunk from the concert. She looked dishevelled...like she just rolled out of bed and threw a pair of sweats on to run out and get something. When she spoke to the clerk, it was barely above a whisper. When she was leaving, she turned around and looked at me as I stood at the counter. A look of horror struck her as she realized I was one of the people behind her who witnessed her behavior the night before. She walked very quickly to the elevator and escaped behind their doors. I saw her the day after that as well in the same gift shop. She didn't see me but I watched from the small lobby outside the store as this seemingly quiet, soft-spoken woman made another purchase and again went straight to the elevators and up to her room. Still wearing her sweats...still looking slightly dishevelled...

Ah yes...the power of alcohol. I wonder if she even remembers what a great show it was.

The Last Goodbye

2010-01-02T22:13:00.010-06:00

I just flew home after spending Xmas at a hospice where I visited with my sister-in-law who has lost her battle with cancer.

We all knew it was the last Christmas she would ever see...we knew it was the last time we would see each other...and it was the hardest goodbye I have ever said.

We were told by the medical staff to stay positive and cheery - don't be tearful and don't talk about the illness. Don't be negative or say anything that could depress her. Don't sob, don't weep and don't talk about God or Heaven. Don't do this and don't do that...but she's dying so just say goodbye and make your way out the door into your life...a life that she will never again experience because she cannot walk, she can barely talk, she cannot eat, she cannot breathe without a tube and morphine, and she cannot understand why she ended up in this place to die.

As I stole a moment with her away from the family, I looked into the luminous eyes that stared blankly from a skeletal face. I don't even know if she's aware that I'm talking until I see a single teardrop fall from her eye. I steel myself to be strong - we are NOT to make her cry. I apologize for upsetting her, but it's too late. Another tear rolls down her face and I grab a kleenex and dab it away. I apologize again and continue to babble but she softly speaks and I cannot answer her when she says "why me?"

I speak about that which I should not speak of...I say it was not supposed to happen to her. I tell her it's shitty and sucks and wrong and then I stop myself because I don't know if it is...maybe it's the way it's meant to be. She tells me that she was doing well until the chemotherapy and that is what took her down. I cannot argue...she was doing amazingly well on her own until she finally agreed to chemo, and that's when everything shut down.

Her doctors have warned us of her deep depression. Apparently it is one of the worst states of depression they have ever seen. I remind her of her sons and her husband who faithfully visit every day. I tell her how much they love her. I say to her that her family is a gift. She stares at me without expression and says in a soft voice that she worries her husband is stressed. I tell her that he will get past it and say confidently that the family will look after him. She doesn't seem convinced. I tell her what beautiful people her sons have become. She doesn't answer and doesn't acknowledge that they exist. She has never appeared to be happy when they come into the room. I ask myself if this is her way of breaking away from them.

I try and say something positive. I thank her for her kindness toward me when I came into the family. I thank her for being the wonderful soul that she is. It seems so trivial as I say the words.

I remember hearing from her doctors and nurses and her husband that she is tortured with the question of "why me?". I tell her that I wish her peace...peace of mind and peace of heart. She just stares blankly. And I say to her that I will see her again...I don't know when, but I will be there too someday. She nods her head in sadness.

I get my purse and my coat. I turn and kiss her forehead. She stares straight ahead. I don't know what to say but am proud of myself of for not breaking down in front of her. I leave the room and my other sister-in-law goes in for her final goodbye.

We meet outside the hospice. It is -30C. I feel nothing. My sister-in-law is sobbing. I stand like a statue. I start thinking there is something wrong with me because I am not weeping. We talk and my nephew drives us to the house. He asks if we are okay. I say "we're fine" in a voice so clear and calm that I am shocked at myself. My sister-in-law is silent in the back seat.

We get to the house, chat for a bit like nothing is wrong and go to bed. I toss and turn but cannot sort out what is keeping me up because nothing is clear...my head is full of images. I finally fall asleep and wake the next morning exhausted. I pack my bag and we all head to the airport. My sister-in-law and I joke with the ticket agent and she thanks us for making her laugh. We go through security and sit in the waiting area with a large coffee, a half hour to kill and silence between us. I feel the tears working their way from the my chest to my throat. I sip my coffee and hope to God that I can keep it together till we get on the plane.

We board the jet and I immediately put my headphones on and hook up to the audio/video system. There is nothing on TV but advertising but my sister-in-law keeps asking if anything good is on. I nod my head yes as if I am engrossed in something when in reality I just need to keep all the noise out to stop myself from falling apart. She eventually buys a headset and watches TV as well. I don't know what I watched or what I heard. I bought a can of Pringles and a bottle of water to keep occupied. When we arrived at the airport, my husband was there to greet me and gave me a big bear hug. I didn't think I was going to keep it together until my nephew showed up and started asking questions. I survived another moment and was able to make my way to the truck as if nothing was going on. I chatted with my husband all the way home and filled him in on the details of our visit. I left out the last goodbye.

And then finally I arrived home where I was able to nonchalantly wander into my bathroom, close the door, and cry into a towel until I had no tears left. And then I walked out as if nothing had happend, and life just goes on.

A New Attitude

2009-08-06T22:04:00.005-05:00

The biggest change in your 40's is the "I don't care" attitude.

It's not that you don't care about yourself or others, but you stop placing so much emphasis on what others think and start focusing more on your needs. Titles don't mean much and "important people" no longer intimidate or impress you. It's not that you don't respect others...now they have to earn your respect rather than getting it immediately because they have a title. Family begins to take on a greater meaning in your life and the time comes when you start taking stock of those who belong around you and decide who has worn out their welcome and who is just not worth the time or the effort.

My inner rant and motivation for "house cleaning" in the family began last week when I discovered my cousin's son was in town with his wife and kids for a visit. I found out they were around through the grapevine, not because they actually picked up a phone and called. Ever. And it's not like I did something to them, or said something offensive about them. They just can't be bothered.

My cousin lives in Calgary and only associates with "important people". Translated: they have to have a title. For example, his loud-mouthed cousin in Detroit has a daughter who graduated medical school. Therefore, because her daughter is a doctor, "the mouth" is therefore important. Now if my cousin associates with her, he is somehow elevated on the "status scale" because his cousin's daughter is a doctor. Ya with me? Good. So I am your average citizen who works hard and lives a good life, yet I am without a fancy title. So am I worthy? Apparently not. I always thought he and I got along well, that we were family and we stuck by each other. I'm such a dreamer! So imagine my shock, and horror, when he and his family ignored my wedding invitation five years ago. They did not respond yes or no for attendance, and they did not send a card, leave a voice message or even chip away at their computer to send a quick e-mail. Radio silence - nothing - nada. Now when his first son got married (the one in the paragraph above who doesn't know how to use a phone) my entire family flew to Calgary for the wedding, paid for a hotel to stay in, and provided the requisite card and monetary gift. My parents also GAVE him a car (albeit an older one but in excellent condition) because he and his new wife could not afford one. So that is the quick and dirty background story.

Now my cousin and his wife, after about six months of not hearing from me, thought that perhaps they had made a mild faux pas in ignoring my wedding and thought it prudent to send a handwritten card, not to apologize or wish my husband and I well, but to justify their position which, in a nutshell, was "we thought you knew we wished you the best". It was quite patronizing and demeaning (and I should really post it for opinions because all my friends who read it said unprintable things about it) and when I received it I was livid. Now, I laugh as I think about it because I wasted so much time trying to get my cousin and his brainless wife to like me and accept me. What a waste of time that was. And that's what happens at some point after the age of 40 - you start to separate the fat from the cream and discard what you don't need. And who needs degrading, demeaning people in their lives?

My cousin's kid always calls my mother for lunch whenever he comes to town. Lately, he's been telling her how his dad never told him I was getting married (whatever!) and how sorry he is that they missed the wedding. So on the surface, we think "hey, he's not so bad". But when you think about it, why is he apologizing to my mother? She's not the one who was snubbed. Why doesn't he call me or my husband to tell us this? Well, I have the answer to that one too - my mom is the one with money. I really would love to have lunch with these two and mention that the will's been written and they're not in it. Wanna know how fast they'd stop calling my mom when they breezed through town?

Of course, my cousin's two other sons got married after I did. And the family had the audacity to send my husband and I wedding invitations. We responded like they did - no response. Yea, it's petty, but it made me feel good. And so that side of the family, as far as I'm concerned, doesn't exist.

But you know, I still do have revenge fantasies about them. I dream that I win the lottery - some big obscene amount of money. Of course, my name would be in the papers. Do you want to guess how fast they would remember my phone number? And then I would answer (well, my personal assistant would answer) and I, from the background, would say quite loudly "Greg and Patti WHO???" Yea it's petty...and so what? It makes me smile.

But that is what your 40's are about - clarity. In my 20's and 30's I put up with my cousin's crap, their insults, their "we're too busy to see you when we come into town" routines, and my personal favorite "Give me two weeks notice before you come into Calgary so I can make time for you". Because he's so important and so busy. What he doesn't know is that my brother-in-law is also in Calgary and works in the same field as he does, and is much busier than my cousin could ever hope to be. However, the difference is that if I showed up on my brother-in-law's doorstep unannounced I would be welcomed with open arms. And that is what family is...and those are the people you keep close to you. The other ones like my cousin and his brood? You learn to say goodbye and make room in your life for new people to enter.

The Triumphant Return of Soap

2009-04-30T19:26:00.006-05:00

You know, over the last few years, the humble bar of soap has taken a beating in the cosmetic industry. We've been told not to use it on our faces but to invest in liquid cleansers that are supposed to protect our skin and be more gentle on it.

Now I've tried many liquid cleansers, from Bobbi Brown to La Prairie to Clinique to Usana. And here's what happens...they don't clean my skin. I don't care what the advertising says...they don't work. How do I know this? Well, let's talk about breakouts. When I use a liquid cleanser, I have breakouts. I'm 45...I thought my skins problems ended in my teens...its ridiculous to have breakouts at my age. Of course the cosmetic sales people clucked in sympathy and told me the breakouts are because the liquid is actually cleansing my skin and the impurities are coming to the surface. Therefore, the breakouts. Okay, I can buy that...for the first two weeks. But for six months? It's nothing more than jargon to get you to spend a lot of money on their cleansers. And here's another trick I discovered: after removing my makeup with makeup removing cloths and then washing my face with a liquid cleanser, when I dried it on a clean white towel I got makeup on the towel. And that's the real reason I was getting breakouts - my face was still dirty.

Now I say it's time to return to the good old-fashioned bar of soap, and here's why. In my frustration with liquid cleansers and being a victim of the recession like everyone else, I impulsively bought an 8-pack of olive oil soap that was on sale at Costco for about $9.00. I had planned to use it in the shower - it's 100% organic and contains olive oil and aloe vera and, because I have dry skin, I thought it would help moisturize it at the same time. And did I mention it was a really good price?? However, I was in the shower when I opened up the soap and thought I may as well give my face a good scrub before I use it on my body.

Now I took a chance doing this since I have sensitive skin. (yet another reason why I was told I MUST use liquid cleansers) So I was kind of surprised that my face was soft and not at all red or irritated from using this soap. My skin actually felt pretty good. So, I got another bar of the soap and put it by the sink to use on my face at night. I used it for a week every night before I went to bed and what I discovered was that I had no breakouts anymore and my pores actually started getting tighter, something I was starting to worry about because I had never had large pores and I was getting them.

So, this wonderful olive oil soap is called Neolia and, as I said, I found it at Costco. Where else you can get it, I don't know. I do know I am going back to Costco and buying as many 8-packs of this soap as I can afford to just in case they decide not to carry it anymore (like they did with Tony Romas Hot Sauce, but I digress...)

And my liquid face cleansers? They've all found a new home...the garbage.

When cancer strikes a family

2009-01-31T07:59:00.004-06:00

We, like any family, always sympathized with the news of others being stricken by cancer. However, when it strikes one of your members, it's like being hit in the head with a baseball bat.

In our case, my sister-in-law was the one who got the bad news. This is a woman who never smoked, rarely drank, ate healthy organic food and exercised. She was very active and worked full-time while running a home-based business. In other words, she did everything "right".

After getting over the initial shock, we were further dismayed to learn that because of the nature of her cancer and the severity, she could not have chemotherapy, radiation and our last hope, surgery, was out of the question. While the doctors and hospitals were most helpful, they basically said there was nothing more they could do and she was sent home to live out her last days.

Our family did not accept this. There must be other things out there that she could try and we would be damned if we were going to sit around without doing anything. We talked to people...we researched...and we decided to try whatever else we could find to buy her time and get her healthy again.

We are not doctors. We work closely with her doctor who is very open to the concept of alternative remedies and uses them regularly in his practice. We are also very open to other forms of healing, both spiritual and herbal, and are lucky to have a family friend whose father is a medicine man. We are grateful for his help as well.

So after all this, these are the alternative therapies we have discovered and are currently using on my sister-in-law. If this information is even of value to one person out there, then this post has been worthwhile.

1. Nano-silver. She has just started taking nano-silver. We discovered it while talking to a man who also had cancer and used it. He is now cancer free and was so impressed with the product that he is currently negotiating to buy a company that produces nano-silver. Now there is some controversy about the residual effects of the metal in the system. Our medicine man advised that if one takes nano-silver, you must also eat dark, green vegetables (spinach, broccoli, asparagus, etc.) in order to help break down the toxins.

2. Start juicing, and in particular use juice carrots and garlic together. If you need some sweetness, add half an apple to the mixture. This tip came from a friend of ours who went to a cancer clinic in Mexico and had carrot juice and garlic every day in addition to other herbs. She is now cancer-free.

3. Use turmeric in your cooking, or get turmeric capsules.

4. Get losts of fresh air. Cancer hates fresh air. My sister-in-law goes for two walks outside in a park every day for 30 minutes. You do not have to power walk...a leisurely walk will do.

5. Remove all traces of sugar from your diet. Cancer loves sugar, so don't eat it. Read the labels on food and do not ingest anything that has sugar. You'd be surprised where sugar hides.

6. Cut out white bread, white flour and white rice from your diet. For bread, buy whole grains.

7. When bathing, run the tub with water as warm as you can stand. Add a mixture of one cup epsom salts, one cup baking soda and one tsp of dry mustard. You can gently rub the epsom salts and baking soda on your skin to cleanse and exfoliate. This mixture will remove dirt while leaving the good bacteria on your skin. Soaps tend to kills germs and good bacteria. The dry mustard draws out toxins. After having this bath, it is important you do not use any product that has chemicals or artificial scents (makeup, hairspray, fragrance, etc.) because these products contain toxins and your body is too weak to fight additional toxins. If you need deodorant, mix cornstarch, backing soda and water in a spritzer bottle and spray it under your arms. This information came from our medicine man.

8. Our medicine man asked if my sister-in-law had rocks in her home. Sure, she answered. She had some around a candle and in a vase with her bamboo plant. He told her to remove them. Stones absorb everything, including memories and disease. Take them outside and put them back on the earth to ground them. This includes jewelry that contains black onyx. If you have that on your body, take it off. If it's in your home, put it in a baggie or other container and place it in a garage or somewhere out of the house.

9. On the spiritual side, I followed the medicine man's advice. Find a tree, face the east, sprinkle tobacco on the west side of the tree as you say your prayer, and then walk away remembering not to look at the tobacco as you leave.

10. When my sister-in-law is stronger, she will be going to a sweat lodge. I don't know what will happen but I have heard many good things about them.

So this it for us. We are trying whatever we can find and we trust that all these efforts will result in helping our sister-in-law get stronger, healthier and ultimately cancer-free.

The latest scam - BIM

2008-12-16T21:06:00.015-06:00

I'm getting really tired of casual acquaintances calling me up to invite me over under the pretext of a business opportunity. Of course, they absolutely CANNOT tell me about it on the phone. Red flag number one.

The latest escapade occurred when some friends of ours were in town and invited us to dinner. Oh, and they had a business opportunity to discuss with us. Fine...where do you want to meet? They named the restaurant but insisted they pick us up. That for me was a red flag - coming to get us is well out of their way. Why can't we meet at the restaurant? Absolutely not...and they did indeed pick us up.

So after a nice meal, with me slightly on guard, they appeared to be their usual selves. Nothing was said about a business. As it was time to leave, they insisted on paying the bill and we went. About 30 seconds away from our home, the bomb dropped - did we mind if they invited their in-laws to our place? I'm thinking no...and why? The truth hit when another car met us in my driveway and I was ambushed in my own home.

The other couple came in and promptly set up a laptop computer. I didn't have a chance to speak as the BIM presentation took over. Of course, it's the same old schpeil - put out a big chunk of money and reap huge profits by signing up others for this "wonderous opportunity". In this case, it's $3,200 that we "invest" in this "growing" company and do nothing. Naturally, this scheme would not work if a photocopy of the $18,000 cheque made out, coincidentally, to one of their "cousins", was not produced. And, if you appear sceptical as we did, we were told that many members are from the RCMP and Canada Revenue Agency, so it must be legitimate or cops wouldn't be signing up and neither would staff from the taxation department.

So what is BIM (aka "Business in Motion")? Although I was cautioned over and over about not talking about it, I think it's time we did. Apparently, if you fork out this money you will receive some sort of coupon that entitles you to stay in luxury resorts at a fraction of the price the rest of the suckers in the world pay.

I inquired if this business was on the internet. Absolutely not, I was told. Also, it was only (ONLY) in Canada and would be moving into the U.S. so we were on the ground floor of a bank breaking opportunity to reap in huge sums of money for doing...guess what...nothing. Well, except recruit new members. But really, nothing. I don't know about anyone else, but throughout my entire life I have never been paid huge sums of money for sitting on my duff.

So, ever the researcher, I later went on my computer and discovered:

1. People are selling BIM memberships on the internet.

2. Some of those with BIM web sites are in the U.S.

3. No one has commented positively or negatively about their experiences using the BIM coupons and staying in these luxury resorts. This is the information age...everything is on the internet. Did you get the cheap price they promise? Was it a ripoff? Why has no one anywhere posted anything about these coupons? Do they even exist?

So after bidding a final "adieu" to the uninvited guests, we are now forced to screen our calls as the "friends" who took us for dinner call incessantly wanting to know if we want to invest in this "great opportunity". My husband is disgusted...I am disgusted. A family friendship that spans more than 35 years is now on the chopping block thanks to BIM.

In another twist of fate, just two days after the ambush I ran into an old co-worker who also happens to know the people we met for dinner. He asked me if they tried to pawn off BIM to me. I said they had. He told me about a couple he knew who got solicited by our "friends" and have been waiting over a year just to recoup their initial investment...money these people could not afford to lose. They've been calling our "family friends" but no one ever returns their calls. No wonder they're all so desperate to sign someone up.

So in the end, I'm not supposed to discuss BIM with anyone at any time. Guess what...I'm talking about it. To everyone I know because that's how these scams work - they demand secrecy while appealing to people's greed. They warn you that if you talk about it and it gets to the wrong ears, you won't reap the profits that are promised.

We were supposed to go to the explanatory meeting which, I'm told by someone else I know who got sucked into going on a pretext, is like some sort of revival meeting complete with a "cancer survivor" who stands up to give a tearful thank you to BIM. Apparently, she appears day after day and does her crocodile tear routine. BIM saved her. Geez...how come scientists haven't seen the correlation between BIM travel vouchers and a cure for cancer???

For more information, see the Better Business Bureau report on this company.

Watch a segment from an investigative news program called Marketplace where they took hidden cameras into a BIM meeting.
http://www.cbc.ca/marketplace/2009/easy_money/main.html.

Phoenix Sinclair - What her death should teach us

2008-11-18T07:18:00.002-06:00

A little girl who never had a chance - that is what is unfolding in the trial of Phoenix's mother and step-father who brutally abused her during her short life, left her to die on a cold basement floor, and then tried to con Family Services workers by getting a relative to pose as Phoenix so they could continue collecting her welfare cheques.

Firstly, these "parents" should be used as the poster children of why the death penalty needs to be reinstated. Karl MacKay, the step-father, lamented in court "I have a heart". All I have to say to that is yes, you do...and it could be used for transplant purposes since you have no right to be on this earth after what you did to that little girl. And that's just another option to be considered in this case.

Secondly, I think Child Welfare Services really needs to revamp their criteria for placement. The first change they need to make is to eliminate any applicants collecting welfare, whether they are the birth parents or not. In this case, the parents posed as a "normal" family for Family Services workers in order to collect welfare and they continued collecting welfare for Phoenix after she was dead, going so far as to try and get some other child to pose as Phoenix. They are not the only family out there looking to collect money from the province and they are not the last to try and scam the system. So the rule should be if you're on welfare, you don't get the child. Ever.

Third, Child Welfare places far too much emphasis on the kinship aspect and try to place children with their natural families. If you are concerned about the welfare of the child, place them in a loving home. Period. Forget the kinship angle and focus on the best place for the child.

Harsh? Yes...this is harsh. The retribution for the parents should be harsh as well. For anyone who doesn't know the story of Phoenix, here are a list of news stories before the trial and the trial itself. It is hard to read and equally hard to fathom that people did what they did to this innocent child.

Sunday Night Football...and Faith Hill?

2008-11-03T07:30:00.004-06:00

I'm a big fan of the NFL. In our home, Sunday is football day...it's the day we relax, watch the games, eat junk food and my husband and I settle in for some good old fashioned banter back and forth.

I love watching the competitiveness and the athleticism of the players. And I'm really not sure where Faith Hill fits into the opening act. I'm not a fan of hers, but I don't dislike her either. I just can't see how she fits into the entire football genre.

Pink was last year's theme singer and I thought she did a great job of the SNF theme, a remake of the old Joan Jett punk-chick classic "I Hate Myself for Loving You". Pink had that edge about her...she could produce the gravel-voiced tones...she dressed like a modern version of the cooler-than-cool woman as she strutted around oozing attitude.

Last night I'm watching Faith Hill attempt to do the same thing...sing a tough girl tune wearing a white frilly necked top and white pearls. She looked like she should be standing in front of a Sunday school class. The entire look was off as she croons in a pretty, sweet-young-thing way standing in one spot and kind of (if you look really closely) swaying to the music. It doesn't fit with Sunday Night Football. It's just off.

Are there absolutely no female singers who can belt out the SNF theme in keeping with the mood of the song and the tough-chic football attitude? Total miss for NBC on that one. Time to go back to the drawing board and rethink it.

Taking care of the environment...when it's convenient

2008-10-22T07:48:00.005-05:00

I was talking to an antique dealer the other day while having some of my mother's furniture appraised. He has been in the business for years, works closely with auction houses and also has an antique/second-hand furniture store. I commented that he should be doing well given the movement towards recycling and reusing. He laughed and began telling me how the second-hand stores are not doing well and the auction houses that are closing up due to lack of interest.

So with all the so-called "environmentally conscious" people spouting about reusing, why aren't more people buying second hand furniture? Why are they not buying the old dining room suite or bedroom set made of solid wood, refinishing it and using it? Why are they running out to the store and buying new furniture if they are so concerned about harvesting wood? Because it's not convenient. And sadly that's the bottom line in our society - we support it if it's convenient but if it impacts on our time, we don't bother. How hard is it to restain a piece of furniture to freshen it up or have it suite your taste? Not very...but it's time consuming. How difficult is it to find an older piece of furniture? Not hard...but it's time consuming to drive around to flea markets or garage sales and find something you like and haul it back home or arrange for a moving truck. It's just so much easier to wander around a retail store, sip your coffee, flip out your credit card, get back in your car and wait for the store to deliver the furniture.

If the economy is so bad, why is everyone at the casino?

2008-10-11T16:25:00.004-05:00

Doom and gloom is all we hear in the forecast - retirement savings are down, stock market's in a flux, people are losing their houses, folks are losing their jobs. So why is the casino packed?

Yesterday afternoon I decided I had to get my mother and mother-in-law (who are both staying with me) out of the house and save my own sanity by being around other people. I had asked where they wanted to go? They both said the casino. Well, you never saw two elderly ladies move so fast to get their purses and lipstick on when I said magic word "okay".

So anyway, we wandered into the casino and it was packed. Now this is a big monstrous casino - it's not just some hole-in-the-wall with 10 machines. And every one of them was taken. I couldn't believe it. Friday afternoon (don't people work?) in a doom and gloom economy and the casino is making money hand-over-fist.

So is everything that bad? Or is the media just blowing everything out of proportion?

Heather Mallick - Putting her Words into Perspective

2008-09-22T06:55:00.004-05:00

Poor Heather Mallick. It seems she wrote a vicious, nasty column focusing on Sarah Palin that had nothing to do with her policies and everything to do with Ms. Mallick's anger and resentment of, apparently, good-looking successful women. Indeed, Mallick picks on nothing but Palin's looks and then goes on to refer to Republican men as "sexual inadequates". I really fail to see the logic or purpose of that comment either or how it fits into a report on the Republican convention, particuarly since Mallick was watching it on television and not reporting from the aftermath of a clandestine encounter in the Convention coatroom.

Mallick is quoted as saying "The responses to my column proved me correct about the extreme right in the United States: they have a great misogynist rage in them".

Sorry Heather...it didn't prove anything except your ability to stir the pot with a nasty personal attack. It's no different than me calling your family a group of thieves and then, when you get offended, telling people "see...I told you they were an angry bunch".

Why the CBC chooses to waste our tax dollars by hiring people of this ilk is also beyond me and many Canadians. However, this is the "news organization" (and I use the term loosely) who recently ran a "poor me" story starring a local gang leader who escaped custody after being charged with two counts of murder. He was caught and thankfully, the RCMP stepped in to stop the interview so the criminal wasn't made into a misunderstood super-hero. The CBC ran a sympathetic story anyway and portrayed the gang leader as some sort of victim, harping on the fact the big bad RCMP wouldn't allow the interview to take place, even thought the criminal "specifically asked" to talk to the CBC. However, in place of the gang leader, they spent quite a bit of time interviewing the woman who helped him escape and got her take on the whole incident. Such stellar and insightful remarks as "he's my bro" and "I ain't no rat" really helped to round out this informative headline story.

So of course, when you read the words of this columnist, keep in mind who she is working for and why she was hired. Ms. Mallick was not hired by the CBC because she has particularly brilliant insights or looks at both sides of any story. She is a hack of the CBC and was hired because she is either malleable or truly thinks along the lines of the CBC executives. And the CBC is an extremely left wing partisan organization who promotes, among other things, that criminals should be coddled, we should all hate Americans, and anyone who doesn't listen to and revere David Suzuki is some sort of freak. Now read her her opinion piece again and understand where it's really coming from.

Elderly Parents - How Well Are They Really Doing?

2008-09-18T07:11:00.002-05:00

When my mom lived alone, I saw signs here and there that she was a bit more forgetful and that she couldn't always do everything that she used to. However, when she moved into my house after her accident is when I realized she wasn't doing as well as I had originally thought.

Living with someone 24/7 really opens your eyes to reality. I knew my mom was a bit forgetful and sometimes repeated the same story, but that wasn't the half of it. I've discovered that she repeats the same story each day two or three times. I've learned to avoid certain topics just because I don't want to hear the whole story yet again.

When I was cleaning her house to get it ready for sale, I found banking papers squirreled away everywhere - in bedroom drawers, kitchen cupboards and the linen closet. Some were also in files in a plastic bag in her bedroom. When I was sorting through it for her, the dates ranged from 1986 to the present time. When I asked her which accounts were active, she couldn't tell me because she couldn't remember. So, we had to go through all the papers, shred a lot of it and refile anything that looked to be current.

I found Kleenex in her house. I knew she bought them when they were on sale, but I didn't expect to find 60 boxes of it! I asked her why she bought so many. Her answer? I thought I was out.

I have also discovered that she cannot make a decision. Whether it is what to wear today or what price she agrees is the right one to sell the house, she defers to me to make the decision. Now I understand why nothing ever got done in her house.

I found bags of clothes in her house. I went through them - the price tag was still on them and the receipts were from 2004 to 2007. I looked at the sizes and saw that she couldn't fit them anymore so I folded them all up and delivered them to the Salvation Army. There were hundreds of dollars worth of new clothes that were never even looked at. I asked her about them and she replied "oh...I don't remember buying them".

The sad thing is we want to believe they are doing well. We always want to believe that they are capable of looking after themselves. Perhaps, for selfish reason, we hope for the best because we're too busy in our own lives to incorporate looking after them into the routine. So believing that they're okay saves us a lot of time and trouble. But the reality is often very different.

Mother's Accident Reaches People

2008-09-13T07:19:00.004-05:00

It's funny but my mom's accident has been a blessing in disguise because it forced her to make a decision about her home. For years we have been trying to convince her to downsize and she was always "thinking about it" but never took action. Now she had to take action. But she was one of the lucky ones - she will heal. But her story has had far reaching consequences.

She was talking to my aunt in Detroit who lives alone in a huge house that she and her late husband built. My aunt said to her "what would I do if something like this happened to me?" And as my aunt pondered it, she realized that she had no one who would look after her the way my husband and I took in my mom. She would have to pay someone to be somewhere to look after her. What kind of care would she get? And her house - who would help her with that? My elderly uncle who lives there? He can't help her. Every other family member in Detroit is either dead or couldn't care less (unless they can grab money from her, but they're another story...) So my aunt is now seriously thinking of the future and downsizing which is a good thing. Why wait until a tragedy happens? Plan for it ahead of time because it can happen in a split second.

After hearing of my mom's ordeal, two of her friends took action and began actively hunting for seniors apartments. One found one and promptly put her house up for sale. The other is still looking every day. These two ladies have also been making phone calls to their sisters and brothers - don't wait to move...we found some nice apartments...put your names in for them...sell your house before something happens to you.

And it's funny how you run into people all of a sudden who need your help. I was at the bank yesterday and the teller, in general conversation, asked if I was going away for the weekend. I laughed and said oh yea, and told her my mom had fallen, broken her shoulder, had to move into our house and I had to sell her house and find an apartment for her. Her eyes started to widen as I spoke and she said "My dad is in the same position - he needs to move but we can't convince him to go. We're all so scared he's going to fall in that house and hurt himself and we'll never know." So we spent about 15 minutes talking about how to get your parent to downsize - she asked me questions and I told her what I knew. She didn't care about the people in line behind me - she let the other tellers look after them.

And so it goes - one person's tragedy gets other people motivated to take action.

Life Changes Dramatically for my Mother

2008-09-01T06:21:00.003-05:00

I feel very sorry for my mom because in a split second, her life changed dramatically.

After falling and breaking her shoulder, we moved her into my home. She became, in a sense, a homeless person. Even though we provided her with her own bedroom, brought some of her clothes here and tried to make her feel as welcome and comfortable as possible, it's not the same as being in your own home. Except she has no home. After the fall and the realization she could not live in her home alone, it's being prepared for sale. She is losing her home. Yes, she will get some money for it but she really could not properly release the memories. She couldn't help us clean it out and sort through pictures and papers. She couldn't help us as we removed extra furniture and pictures to get it ready for sale. She couldn't help us as we sifted through clothes, shoes and purses in the closets and either brought some home, donated others and threw some out. We had to use our judgement and she played no role in making decisions. She has had no time to prepare for the move...no time to psychologically prepare for the end of an era. It was in that home she and her husband raised my sister. It was in that home that my dad died. It was in that home that she held her best dinner parties. It was in that home she lovingly created lavish flower gardens and maintained a small vegetable garden. It was the home she absolutely loved. She was there one day, and gone the next.

She was taught early on not to complain about the curve balls life throws at you but to keep a stiff upper lip and carry on as best you can in the face of adversity. And she is keeping up a good front and maintaining a cheerful attitude, but it must be hard on her.

So while she is living with us, she is also trying to come to terms with her next move - going from a 2,500 square foot house to a 700 square foot apartment in a seniors complex. This is also a major change for her. She has to now decide what furniture to sell, what pictures to take and which household items she needs and which ones she doesn't. There are so many items in that home that she loved, and she will have to let them go.

To further complicate matters, the last mainstay of her independence is also on the chopping block. Namely, her car. I know her driving is not that good anymore. Right now, she is looking at 10 weeks in a cast and many weeks of physiotherapy. If her shoulder does not heal completely, she may not be able to drive. And even though the seniors complex she will be in offers shuttle service to grocery stores and malls, it's a sloppy second compared to having your own vehicle and the freedom to get up and go whenever you want. And although this is an important issue, we've only hinted at it so far but are not going to push it further. After all I think she has enough to deal with.

Mother Meets With a Real Estate Agent

2008-08-28T07:22:00.004-05:00

In the process of selling my mom's house, we hired a real estate agent who came to appraise the house and gave her the price he felt he could list it at. It is at that point we discovered that mom does not live in the real world.

My mother is like most 80-something year old women - she has an inordinate number of knicknacks and collectible pieces of china that she spent quite a bit of money on and feels every item in her 700+ piece collection must be on display. Whether it's on a shelf, on the fireplace, on a table or a counter, they all must be out in the open.

She also has never made any upgrades to her home because, as she puts it, they never "abused" it. That's fine, but wood panelling, brass and glass lighting fixtures, laminated kitchen countertops, carpet in the bathroom and powder blue shower stalls are not going to attract buyers in the year 2008.

She also had an immense collection of crosses and other religious items that hung on every wall. Wherever there was space, there was a cross, an icon or an angel floating on the wall.

To our further detriment, she has a friend whose son is a real estate agent. Her friend came to her home one day and, through the process of osmosis, was able to conjure up a market valuation for my mom's house. Of course, it was outrageously high. Keep in mind this woman's son has never been in my mother's place, but I guess through some sort of strange psychic phenomena, this woman with no real estate experience had the ability to appraise my mother's home. And my mother clung to that price and held it dear to her heart. So when an actual real estate agent came to the house and gave her a much lower price, she was crushed. And we had to deal with it.

Our agent, who has 23 years experience in her area and is at the top of his game, had a long talk with her about valuation of property. Thankfully, his calm easy manner and his ability to deal patiently with her finally convinced her that her friend, the "schmexpert", may have made a mistake. One hurdle crossed.

Unfortunately we will not get the value that the house could have because, as I said, she and my father never made any upgrades. So now we cross our fingers and as we tirelessly sift through each closet spilling over with junk, we hope our small cleaning contribution will somehow magically increase the value of her house. But I'm not holding my breathe.

Living With Your Mother - Again!

2008-08-25T07:29:00.007-05:00

Last Monday our life changed dramatically.

My mother called in tears - she'd gone out to get the mail, waved to her neighbor, and then fell up the concrete stairs to her house. She gave herself a concussion, broke her shoulder and smashed up her leg. When she regained consciousness, she managed to drag herself into the house and phone for help. We had been out but her neighbor was home and ran across the street to help and call 911. When we got the message and arrived at her house, the neighbor was with her along with a medical emergency crew to patch her up and get her to the hospital.

We spent the day at the hospital while she got treated for her injuries. However, given that she lives alone in a sprawling two-story house with lots of stairs, the hospital wouldn't release her unless she was going someplace where she could be watched and helped 24 hours a day. Guess what? I'm it...there is no other family in town.

So, at the age of 85, my mother has come to live with us. We also are in the process of selling her house because she cannot live there again by herself. She has accepted the fact that she will have to move into a senior's apartment and there are many in our area that offer shuttle service and recreational programs. The problem? The waiting list is 3 - 5 years.

For the last 5 years, we've talked to my mom on and off about moving from the family home into a seniors apartment complex. We suggested she put her name on some lists because we knew it could be quite a wait. One day she was all for it - yes, she's planning to sell the house. The next day she has decided to stay for one more year. Our greatest fear was that she would fall down one of the staircases and not be able to call for help. And because she was in great health and could manoeuver around well without any kind of assistance, we tried to let her come to the conclusion that she should move on her own with a bit of prodding from us. However, that day never happened on it's own - it took what I refer to as "her wakeup call" to start the ball rolling.

So now she is in our house and requires 24 hour care. We gave her her own bedroom and set it up so she can get around in it. I help her up and down our stairs, make all her meals, help her wash and dress, take her to medical and hair salon appointments, give her medication and vitamins, and generally try to keep her comfortable and occupied. At the same time we've been apartment hunting, putting her name on lists for upcoming vacancies, hired a real estate agent and began the process of cleaning out her house. Or, I should say, cleaning out a 2,500 square foot building that is crammed from floor to ceiling with "stuff" she has accumulated over 30 years and squirreled away. Did I mention my mother is a compulsive shopper that never throws anything away? Sigh...

So now she is at our home for the long haul. There is a chance of a good place opening up November 1, but there are five people ahead of her on the waiting list that have first option on it. So we are looking at anywhere from three months to five years before she gets a place of her own.

Small Car Myths

2008-08-10T17:41:00.004-05:00

After 40 years on this earth, I think my bullshit detector is pretty fine-tuned. And nothing is smelling nastier than the push towards small cars.

Whether you think you're saving the planet or saving big bucks by trading in your truck or SUV for a car, you're simply being fooled by very crafty advertising executives working for - guess what? Small car manufacturers! And the media has jumped on board because a) the story is getting people's attention (hence more readers) and b) small car manufacturers have big budgets for advertising and they will spend a lot of money advertising in your paper IF you do a really positive article on the benefits of small vehicles. The media is in business to make a profit - advertising keeps media outlets in business and hence, advertisers dictate the stories. So all of a sudden it's the new "thang" - let's all buy small cars to save money on gas or, better yet, let's all drive one of those stupid-looking death traps known as "smart cars".

Let me tell you what I've learned - my life is important. My life is worth more than a few dollars in fuel savings. My life is worth more than being seen driving something that is "politically correct". And - news flash - whether I drive a small car or an SUV or a truck is not going to make one whit of difference when it comes to "saving" the planet.

But let's talk specifically about driving in Canada. When the temperature is hovering somewhere between -20 and -40C and there are icy patches on the road, and when I see someone in an out-of-control skid sliding towards me, I'm so glad I'm in one of my SUVs because I will probably walk away. When I hit a patch of black ice and maybe hit the ditch, I'll probably walk away. When the streets are snowed in and I need to get somewhere, I can.

If there are slick conditions because of rain, I will survive the hits from cars going out of control. If the weather is beautiful but someone does something stupid on the road, I will probably walk away because I'm driving on of my "gas guzzling beasts". But let's talk about the gas. To fill the tank on one of my SUVs costs the same or less than many mid-sized cars. Small cars? No...I can't compete. You win...you saved $10. And your life? Well, you do that calculation and tell me if the cost savings equals what your life is worth.

Morgentaler and the Order of Canada - Another Perspective

2008-07-04T09:30:00.004-05:00

The controversy over Dr. Morgentaler receiving the Order of Canada has mainly focused on those people who are either for or against abortion...those who believe the fetus is a living person with the right to life and those who say that it's strictly the choice of a woman to terminate the pregnancy regardless. But let's put those two viewpoints aside and look at it in another way.

I am personally still on the fence when it comes to abortion. In other words, both sides have valid points. However, in a sense, Dr. Morgentaler actually saved lives. And what do I mean by that?

There are many young women who have found themselves pregnant and have either gone to back alley "doctors" for unsanitary abortions that either worked, didn't work and left the mother with serious damage, or killed the mother. There are also young women who tried to end the pregnancy on their own with coat hangers or other primitive tools which again either killed them or caused serious damage. What Dr. Morgentaler did was create a sanitary medical facility where a safe abortion could be had.

Now whether you agree with abortions or not doesn't negate the fact that many women will try to end the pregnancy on their own using whatever means are available. Some will even kill themselves. And in this respect, his clinics saved the lives of many young mothers.

Who are these women? Well, they may have been women like me. When I 14 years old, I went to school and came home. In the evenings, I talked to my friends on the phone. I didn't go out very much because I wasn't allowed to and if I did go somewhere, it was usually to a friend's house down the street and I was home by 9:00. My stepfather hated me and never held back when it came to putting me down. When I was 14, he decided that I was a prostitute and repeated this to my mother each night until she started thinking his way too. If I had ever gotten pregnant, either through stupidity or rape, it wouldn't have mattered. My life would have been even more hellish than it already was. I couldn't even begin to fathom how miserable I would be and what a cruel life any child of mine would have had in that household. Although I didn't get pregnant, I can tell you with 100% certainty that if I had, I would have ended my own life. It was that simple...there was no other way out for me. And I'm not the only person in this world who came from a severely dysfunctional family or simply a family who would have no qualms about disowning you because their love and acceptance was based on you meeting their conditions.

And of course I acknowledge that there are women out there who get abortions because it's convenient, or they can't be bothered having the child, or because they just see it as another means of birth control. But these are not the only women having abortions.

So if we are to condemn the award given to Dr. Morgentaler, are we saying the life of the fetus is more important than the life of the mother? Or, in the alternative, if one in twenty abortions actually saved the life of a mother who would have killed herself, is the ability to get access to sanitary abortions worth it?

How should we handle rising crime?

2008-06-17T07:12:00.004-05:00

There are all sorts of suggestions when it comes to crime...more jails, more counselling, more social programs, stiffer sentences, and the list goes on. Here's another suggestion for the masses...

Let me start with a bit of background. A few years ago, a distant family member (who lived in the southern U.S.) was in trouble with the law during his late teens. When he came in front a judge, he was given two options - go to jail or join the army. He joined the army and his life changed. He is now is charge of a unit fighting overseas and has never been in trouble again.

All I can say is the judge in that case deserves an honor. And that's something Canada really needs to look at. It's time our criminals were given two options: jail or armed forces. You want play with guns? We'll give you guns...and you're going to Afghanistan. You want to fight? We'll teach you to fight...and you'll go to Afghanistan to test your fighting skills. You think you're a man? Well, we'll see what kind of man you are when you are put to the test. You're a woman? Guess what? We'll teach you how to shoot too. Or cook, or provide medical services or fix machinery. Pick something and we'll teach you. And then we're sending you overseas. And then we're going see how tough you really are. You part of gang? Well, tell you what...we'll put your gang together with you. Yep...all of you. And you'll get a free trip and guns. You know what we call your gang now? A"platoon".

And you know what? I think if the criminals knew where they were going and what they would be doing, you would see a dramatic decrease in the rate of crime because they're not as tough as they pretend to be.

Another Torie Leaves the Nest

2008-06-11T22:19:00.007-05:00

This story started off as a bit of puzzle, but now it's becoming downright hilarious.

Bernard Cote, a senior staff in the department of Public Works, was forced to quit after it was discovered he was apparently dating Julie Couillard and discussed an upcoming real estate project that was going to tender that she could possibly bid on.

Oh horrors...someone sucking up to a government employee to get info in order to secure a contract? This just doesn't happen. And the tooth fairy and Santa Claus are real...

During the the years I worked for the federal government, I think I'd probably have the big one if someone actually won a contract who DIDN'T have ties with the individual(s) awarding it. Yea, I can name names and tell stories, but the bottom line is it happens all the time.

And has everyone forgotten Adscam? What's the difference between that deal and every other contract that is awarded? The only difference is they got caught.

Actually, the scariest part of this latest witch hunt is Mr. Duceppe's remarks referencing the entire Couillard affair. He states, "What is most worrying is the irresponsibility that has been displayed by Mr. Harper". And what irresponsibility, Mr. Duceppe, would you be referring to? The fact that Prime Minister Harper is too busy to personally investigate the private lives of all government employees? After all, how would he have discovered the relationship between Mr. Cote and Ms. Couillard unless every government employee was put under investigation? And that only happens in backward countries led by despots. Or, is that your vision for Canada? Do you think, Mr. Duceppe, that perhaps Mr. Harper has other things on his mind...like running the country? Foreign relations? The war in Afghanistan? Or should these all take a back seat until he is done poking his nose into everyone's personal life and deciding their choices meet with his satisfaction?

The End of the Hockey Night in Canada Theme?

2008-06-10T07:17:00.005-05:00

I can't believe that with one fell swoop of a pen, CBC is planning to erase history.

They have not renewed the licensing agreement to continue using the Hockey Night in Canada theme prior to the games. Without any public consultation or review, the "geniuses" at the quasi-government broadcasting agency (who pretend they're independent but we all know better) have unilaterally decided the not use it anymore. Cost? A whopping $500 per play. But then again, these are "creative minds" that came up with Little Mosque on the Prairie.

Okay, so let's look at the theme. It has been around for decades. Everyone in Canada recognizes it. Hockey fans around the world recognize it instantly. All you have to hear is the first couple of bars and you know the song. It brings a smile to everyone's face. The song is associated with the game of hockey, which is a staple here. On Saturday nights during hockey season, men, women and children sit in front of the television to watch the game. And part of that tradition is the Hockey Night in Canada theme.

For my American friends who aren't sure what the to-do is, removing the Hockey Night in Canada theme is the equivalent of removing the Monday Night Football theme song. We all wait for Hank Jr. to sing it or Monday night just doesn't feel right. Would you get rid of the first pitch at a baseball game? You just don't do it. And it's the same with Hockey Night in Canada.

And what are they going to replace it with? Some sappy, whiney Anne Murray tune? Or, better yet, let's get big fat Rita McNeil to dance and sing a la Faith Hill to opening up Sunday night football. Yea, that should be enough to make you lose your supper and decide to live in cave. For those who thing these suggestions are absurd, I'll bet money that CBC has already thought of these and are probably investigating the possibilities.

So what do we do? Normal television stations will reverse a decision if enough people petition them and complain. Sadly, CBC is not like the other broadcasters - if they lose money the government will bail them out, unlike other broadcasters who will pay the price for buffoonery. We know the CBC has obviously met their quota of well-educated idiots who are collectively so "smart" they didn't have to consult with the public. Writing and complaining will probably do nothing. The only thing I can think of is petition TSN to take it over since TSN actually has to make money to stay in business. Therefore, any decisions they make may even involve some rational thought.

The Bernier and Couillard Files - Who Really Breached National Security?

2008-05-29T20:18:00.005-05:00

I would think that by now the Liberals and New Democrats would be tired of beating the same old horse and moved on to bigger and better things, like what are their plans for the future? Do they even have any worth listening to?

Instead, we listen to the same old tired drivel about national security breach, blah blah blah. Someone wound up Jack-in-the-box Layton and here we go again. Or is it just a ploy for them to see the pictures of Ms. Couillard in the low cut dress on national TV just one more time?

But if you push aside all the theatrics and hysterical accusations, the real question is was national security really breached and, if so, who is responsible?

Well, let's talk about national security. If it's true that the documents in question contained profiles of NATO leaders, how does that affect the security of Canada? It doesn't. Does leaving this information on someone's coffee table in a private home in Canada affect national security? No, it doesn't. Does selling or giving this information to our enemies constitute a breach of national security? Maybe. Did anyone sell or give this information to our enemies? No.

The whole "logic" behind the national security argument seems to consist of what could have happened. The reality is it didn't.

And who really breached national security? Was it Maxime Bernier? No, because he never revealed the content of the documents in question. The media seems to be on a big kick that Canada is now the laughing stock of the world because of this faux pas. And who made it all public? The media did...no one else. So if there are fingers to be pointed, I think members of the media who actually broke the story and made it all public should go look in a mirror because there they will see who is truly responsible for the "security breach". And I think it is hypocritical to break the story, publish it and then complain that the country is now viewed with disdain by other countries. Who really made that all happen?

The Big Stink - Maxime Bernier and Julie Couillard

2008-05-28T17:03:00.003-05:00

The big stink in the Great White North that has everyone's tongues wagging is Maxime Bernier's relationship with Julie Couillard. I think most politicos can be lumped into the same category as Stephan Dion and Jack Layton, as Mr. Harper succinctly put it, "gossiping old hens".

I personally fail to see what all the todo is about.

Apparently Bernier left classified documents at Couillard's home. Do you mean to tell me that no other Minister has ever left sensitive documents somewhere? Please. I worked in government...I've seen firsthand how "careful" some of these people are, RCMP included.

The second phase of "the stink" is that Julie Cuillard had some sort of relationship with a leader or leaders in the Hell's Angels. So what? The key word is "had" a relationship. Or more than one. She could have had 50 of them for all anyone cares. The "buffoons du jour", namely Dion and Layton, are screaming "security breach" and that Bernier's resignation is apparently not good enough. They want some sort of investigation into the matter.

Well, before wasting our time with an investigation, let's look at some of the facts. Bernier's documents were supposedly profiles of NATO leaders. I expect that they want the public to assume that Couillard read the documents and passed it on to former boyfriend(s). Personally, and it's just my opinion, I really don't think that the Hell's Angels are involved in or care about NATO. Just a theory I have...

But the bottom line is it's over. Bernier has resigned. The so-called "breach of security" is the past. The country did not fall apart. The documents were returned. Bernier has egg on his face. What on earth is the point of an investigation? Except to give Dion and Layton a bit more time in the media. Whether they look like idiots or not is apparently irrelevant - after all, face time is face time.

Getting rid of wrinkles...free!

2008-04-05T23:13:00.006-05:00

Wrinkles are something we deal with. Call them crow's feet, dents, beauty marks, whatever...we all have them. We spend small fortunes on creams, lotions, gels and injections to get rid of them. Sometimes it helps...most times it doesn't.

So how do you reduce those unsightly reminders of our age? Quit a stressful job.

I am a graphic designer so I spend a lot of time in front of a computer. I always assumed that staring at the computer screen, along with squinting and furrowing my brows in concentration, was the cause. I had more than my share of wrinkles in my forehead and between my eyebrows and the lines were quite deep. It was disgusting to look at...I purposely had my hair stylist cut bangs to hide my forehead.

Six months after quitting my job (which is another blog entry) I had virtually no wrinkles on my forehead or between my eyes. Am I spending less time on the computer? Absolutely not. In fact, I am on the system more than ever. So was it the computer?

No. It was the stress. And stress will age you.

So is quitting your job the answer? I don't know. I quit and started my own business. Yes, there are money issues. However, you spend less money staying at home than commuting to an office. Less on clothing...less on transportation...less on coffee and lunches...less on parking...less on car expense...less stress. Hmmm....can we actually be on to something?

What happened to our bodies?

2008-03-16T07:53:00.006-05:00

My friend and I were shopping one day and she commented that since the birth of her children, the last being at 35, her body has never been the same. I recall another friend making a similar statement. Our stomachs get bigger and flabbier, our boobs either get larger, smaller or sag, and the list goes on. However, I commented to my friend that even though I had not had children, I too am facing the same issues.

So the question became was it bearing children that caused our bodies to change, or was it simply a change that naturally happens to us all?

We can all pretty much pinpoint when our bodies began to change. Usually, it was somewhere in your mid to late 30's or early 40's. You realized that if you overindulged at the local pizza parlor, eating less the next day all of a sudden didn't bring you back to your normal weight like it always did. You discovered that after having one-too-many tropical drinks at a pool party the night before, your head hurt for more than a couple of hours after you got up and indeed, you were suddenly unable to to anything that entire day. You realized that working out and eating realitively healthy did not keep you at the same weight - for some reason that mid section continued to grow even though your food intake declined. And that all happened overnight. So what do we do?

My friend started working out more. It didn't really help. I started becoming more fanatical about what I ate. That didn't really help. Perhaps the change we really need to make is that of accepting that we have gone up a size and there is nothing we can really do about it.

So how do you adjust? Well, I stopped trying to squeeze my way into a two-piece bathing suit and opted for a one-piece. Voila! Automatic slenderizing. I found one with high sides, a cute little belt and a low neck so I still felt sexy, yet the unwanted extras around the middle were well hidden. I stopped looking at the size I used to take (hard as it was), went up one size and I looked sliimmer in my clothes. It doesn't mean you have to buy old-lady clothes...just go up a size in the areas where you need to hide things.

You can still look sexy and elegant in a one-piece bathing suit. Have a loook at the samples below.

Why wait until you retire?

2008-03-13T14:23:00.002-05:00

I hear a lot of people talk about doing this, that and the next thing when they retire. My question is why are you waiting?

And the reason I ask this is because we know people who did the same thing. Unfortunately, due to poor health and accidents, they died just before or within weeks after the great event known as "retirement". It's one thing to plan for it, but it's another to put off everything you want to do until that time.

If it's a dream vacation, save up for it now and take it! Vacation home? Save up for it now, or rent a place or do something that is proactive. Because there's nothing worse than saving and dreaming and it all comes crashing down.

Why just settle for anything?

2008-01-19T22:37:00.001-06:00

At the age of 25, I had nothing to my name but clothes and cosmetics and about $500 in my bank account. I got my first real apartment, my first "real" job and moved in with my boyfriend. But I had a choice...continue to live off my parents or make a start in a life that was my own.

At the age of 35, I again found myself with next to nothing. I left my husband and ended up giving away my house, my car, our furniture and over half of our savings while being responsible for all the debt he had accumulated because I stupidly listened to him and had the credit cards and line of credit in my name. But I did it to get away from an abusive man and a sick relationship. Again, I had a choice - continue to live like a zombie in constant fear of his mood swings or start again in a simple life that was in my control. I didn't know if I would ever meet someone else or get married again, and I really didn't care. I moved into an apartment with a bed my parents loaned to me and an old 20" television set. I couldn't remember being so happy.

At the age of 45, I decided to quit my job of 15 years and start my own business. I cashed out everything, including my pension, for this dream that has haunted me for the last 5 years. Either I will make it or I will fail, but I will never spend my golden years wondering what might have happened.

Many people stay in marriages and jobs for decades. And that's fine. But a good percentage of those people are desperately unhappy at work, at home and in their life. Many people just "settle" for the life they get. Stay with the husband and work things out because that's what we're "supposed to do". Stick with the job because there's a pension in the end. But what about our dreams? What about the quality of our life? Is it defined by money and things and titles, or is freedom and happiness the new way to define a life worth living?

Sun Damage - Is It Real?

2007-08-18T23:10:00.001-05:00

I'm 45 years old. Most people think I'm in my mid-30's. I've been in the sun all my life...at the beach, in the garden, and yes, I go to the dreaded tanning salon. So if the sun is so harmful, why don't I look twice my age?

Oh, and I forgot to mention...I don't wear sunscreen. I am white, naturally blonde and my heritage is Ukrainian and Irish. And yes, I repeat, I don't wear sunscreen.

I personally think that this is a myth created by corporations so you will buy their sunscreens, SPF forulas and any other concoction they can sell you. After all, it's about profits. And let's be real...no one cares about you or your health or you skin. These companies only care about profits.

So do some research. Why do some people age faster than others? Well, it's genetics. Certainly, hard living (i.e. hard core drinking) will do it to you, but the sun? We need it for vitamin D production which, coincidentally, prevents cancer. We need the sun to feel good. Our bodies produce melamine ("the tan") to protect our skin. It's all a natural process. Why mess with it using chemicals on your body? In fact, there are some schools of research that say sunscreen and the chemicals they contain are actually the cause of skin cancer, not the sun.

So you know what? Enjoy life. Get out in the sun for a while. You'll feel rejuvinated...you'll have a bit of color to you...and you won't keel over and die.

Surviving Mother's Day When You Don't Get Along With Your Mother

2007-05-11T23:22:00.000-05:00

My mother and I have never gotten along.

I've tried over the years to try and be a "good" daughter - I call her, I try to be attentive to her needs, I attempt to tell her about my life and ask her about hers - but it just never seems to work. We are two very different personalities with extremely different views of life. I have debt...my mother has none and cannot understand how someone could have debt because she inherited enough money to live out her years debt free. I work hard at two jobs...my mother has not worked for 40 years and calls a "hard day" getting up before eight a.m. and shopping for three hours. I work in the technology field...my mother knows nothing about computers, doesn't want to know about them, but yet she has no use for them and strongly opines that they are of no value. My mother adores my sister, who can do no wrong, while my sister hates me and I haven't seen or spoken to her for two years since she physically attacked me (although my mother keeps reminding me that she didn't actually "draw blood"). She and her husband raised my sister...I raised myself with no help from either of them, except to be told that I was useless and no good. So you can say my relationship with my mother is far from close and indeed, some days, it's very hard to be cordial to her.

I try to keep in mind that she's now 84 years old and not going to be around forever so I attempt to keep the peace whenever possible. It is very trying on most days since the effort is mostly one-sided.

So when Mother's Day comes around, I dutifully buy a nice, but not too sweet, card and grit my teeth while I pay for it. I hunt around for something to give her, but nothing seems appropriate so I usually end up spending too much on an overly large bouquet of flowers. It seems a small thing to do to keep the peace. My biggest efforts (and indeed, the biggest guilt trip of the year) come from the lies I spin to get out of the mandatory supper that comes with this day.

For those of us who haven't had good experiences with our mothers, it's a very stressful time. I personally wish the day never existed and would love to see it abolished because I believe, if you had a good mother, you should honor her every day, and not just once a year.

Virginia Tech: Should we publicize who did it?

2007-04-20T22:14:00.000-05:00

The great debate rages over whether or not NBC or other news organizations should air the video made by the killer (aka "the disturbed one") on that fateful day. They and other say the public has a right to know. But is our right to know more important than sending a message that we will not make people who kill or maim others famous (in life or death) for their deeds?

It used to be that publishing a person's name accused of or charged with a crime brought shame and embarrasment. Now, it's like a badge of honour and a fast way to become a celebrity.

Case in point: "the disturbed one" took time out from his killing spree to record a video and mail it to a major news organization. Why? To tell everyone it's not his fault? To explain why he believes he was justified in it? Who cares what he thinks. Who really is going to "understand" him? Who is going to watch or hear what he has to say and think "oh ya...it's not really his fault"? But everyone knows his name. He's famous. Maybe that's all he wanted and he didn't care how he did it.

I don't know but I'm getting tired of seeing disturbed individuals become famous. It seems the more ghastly the crime, the more airtime you get. Headline news, feature stories, biographies...when does it end? The only people that really need to know more about the disturbed ones are psychologists, psychiatrists and law enforcement in an effort to figure out "why" and hopefully be able to spot the warning signs.

You say you can't...but you can

2007-04-16T20:39:00.000-05:00

I'm getting really tired of hearing so many people saying the words "I can't". I hear it when I'm working...I hear it when I'm out...I hear it from kids...I hear it from teenagers...but it really sickens me when I hear it from other adults. What kind of example are you setting for younger people?

I see blind people with seeing-eye dogs go to work downtown each day. They can do it. I see a man my age (I went to high school with him) in a wheelchair with breathing apparatus and a hole in his throat for the tube. He's wheeling about every day working as a spokesperson for an organization that supports people with disabilities. He can do it. I pass through a building that has a one-armed security guard. Maybe it sounds weird, but he can do it. How? Because he tried. I know a woman who has flashbacks from a rape. She never knows what's going to trigger the panic attack, but still she makes herself go out every day and face the world and she swallows the panic when it starts to creep up on her. She decided she was going to control her life, not someone else.

And I think the last statement is the key...each of these people have chosen to ignore what is perhaps expected of them by society and decided that they were going to take control of their lives and do what it is they want to do. They were going to live up to their own expectations and not live down to someone else's. The word"can't" doesn't exist in their vocabularies. Should really exist at all?

People who hold you back

2007-04-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

When we think of people who hold us back from doing things, we automatically think of our parents and delve into the grab bag of memories from the past. However, there are people in your present who are holding you back and you may not even realize it.

I had what Oprah calls the "aha" moment yesterday. I was working with someone who was on a complete tirade as to why she can't do what needed to be done. It's not like it was beyond her capacity. In fact, it was simple...all it took was some time.

I was tired and when she called me over to start into her "I can't" rampage, I could feel my head pounding and the onset of a migraine. I mumbled something about doing it for her just to get away and left feeling completely drained.

As I drove home, taking deep breaths and willing the headache to pass, I started remembering a recent visit I had with my brother and sister-in-law. These two are entrepreneurs in business and, I believe, entrepreneurs in life. Just as one would nurture a business, they nurture relationships. It doesn't matter how tired they are or how many hours they put in that day, they always have a smile, a joke and a kind word for you. Their conversations are upbeat and you feel you can talk to them both about anything.

Thinking back, I remembered always feeling uplifted and confident when I was in their presence. And then I realized how a single person can drain you of life while another person can pump you with energy.

Now that I realize what's happening, I think I know who I'd rather be around and who to avoid.

Making Assumptions About Others

2007-03-30T21:57:00.000-05:00

I have read that I should not make assumptions. I have been told this. I am over 40 - I should have learned this at some point. Has it sunk in? Apparently not...I did it again.

I was at a concert and a woman forced us to all stand so she could get to her seat further down the row. She looked like she was right out of it...took baby steps...could not keep her balance...took forever to get past one person. She moved very slowly, inching her way like she was on steep cliff. She apologized profusely...spoke very slowly... moved even slower...

At first I thought she was on some kind of drug. People in the group were snickering...making comments. I admit I was rolling my eyes.

For whatever reason, she had to keep getting up and passing us. After the umpteenth time, I started paying attention to her. She never changed...the awkwardness and slow movement was consistent. If she was on something, it would have worn off. But she was the same every time she got up.

The more I watched, the more I realized there was something wrong with her. It was not something she smoked...not something she injected...not something she snorted...she had a physical condition. And I felt awful for the things I thought about her...the comments my friends were making...to the way we all behaved.

And hopefully, I have learned that whatever annoys us about someone else, we need to learn compassion and we need to show empathy because we never know the circumstances that affect a complete stranger on the day we cross paths.

The "Real" Beauty Advertising Campaigns

2007-03-24T22:02:00.000-05:00

Have you seen the new Dove ad campaign? Real women with wrinkles and saggy bodies strategically posed in the nude? Does this make you want to buy their product?

I'm over 40. My body is not perfect. And seeing older women who aren't perfect is not enticing me to buy their product. Sorry...the campaign doesn't work.

Here's my question. Are you selling a product or are you promoting some sort of social campaign for women who don't look like models? If it's the latter, set yourself up as a non-profit group and do something to help women, teenages, whoever feel better about their bodies.

If, however, you are out to sell a product and make a profit, show me someone who I want to look like. I don't need to be reminded that I have wrinkles and bulges...I know this. So what is your product going to do for me? Is it going to remove wrinkles? Is it going to get rid of age spots? Or if I use it, am I going to look like your "real" models? If so, why would I buy your product when I already look that way?

I don't know...it just seems like the company can't decide what they are...a for profit or non-profit organization. I suspect once they sort that out their ads may actually make sense to those of us who have to watch it. In the meantime, keep your product. I tried it once and got a red rash on my face. That's all I need on top of the wrinkles and bulges.

Do you really want to be rich?

2007-02-24T09:14:00.000-06:00

The front page of this morning's paper showed a couple that just won a local lottery. We all dream of it...we all have imaginary "plans" for how we would spend that kind of money...but do we really want to be rich?

I knew someone who came into money and her entire life changed. Yes, she was able to buy a nice house and a new vehicle and all the clothes she wanted. She had the money to take fabulous vacations to all the places she dreamed of going to. But you know what? No one else had the money to go with her...if she wanted to go, she would have to travel alone. To me, that doesn't sound like a lot of fun.

Some of her so-called friends were extremely envious and most, after sticking around long enough to see her house, didn't want anything to do with her. Although she was very generous and loved to entertain, her "friends" didn't want to come over anymore and they all just drifted away.

Dating became an issue as she realized she couldn't bring men to the house or discuss her finances until she had determined they weren't gold-diggers. And let me tell you, there are a lot of them around that come with their own shovel! After numerous unsuccessful matches, she started to become a bit of a recluse. She stayed at home, got depressed, started drinking too much and I had a heck of a time trying to bring her back.

Now, she hides what she has. She can afford to dress well, but she dresses down to fit in. She can afford fabulous cars, but she now has something modest. She's started to date again but it's been a slow process and she is very guarded about her life.

In the end, she is rich. But is she happy? Well, you'd have to ask her, but my guess would be that things were a lot better before she came into the money.

Why to visit a tanning salon

2007-02-04T13:32:00.000-06:00

If you think tanning salons are only for getting a tan, keep reading. There are a number of reasons why I and other people I know visit the salon two or three times a week.

Tanning beds are a source of vitamin D. If you live in a northern climate where you're indoors during the winter, you are not getting enough vitamin D. Medical sources are now saying we should be outdoors for 40 minutes a day so we can get the sunlight we need. If you live in a climate like I do where winter is often cloudy and temperatures are between -20C and -45C and, during the latter temperature, frostbite can occur in 10 minutes, staying outside is not an option. A tanning bed is.

I use the tanning bed as a source of relief for the arthritis I have in my right wrist. After the bed warms up, I can actually rotate my wrist without pain and when I come out, the pain has often disappeared completely.

Sitting at a computer all day affects by upper back and neck. Some days, the stiffness is really bad. After the tanning bed heats up, that's when I can do a deep stretch and get rid of the knots that have developed over the course of a day or two. Nothing else seems to work as well.

Finally, I don't' know what it is, but after a tanning session I sleep like a baby through the night. Maybe I'm more relaxed, or maybe something physiological is going on. I don't know, but I wake up the next morning and feel like I'm ready to conquer the world.

So in the end the tanning bed is not always just to get a bit of a glow. It does have many therapeutic purposes.

Did Rosie O'Donnell get trumped by The Donald?

2007-02-01T19:23:00.000-06:00

I never really knew what the fight between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump was all about. All I knew was it was amusing to watch. Tonight, though, I saw Miss USA on Entertainment Tonight talking about her addiction and then the clip of Rosie O'Donnell mimicking her tears and ranting about second chances, and I knew where The Donald was coming from.

I won't talk about Rosie's weight or looks...all I saw in the clips of her was the most vile, disgusting excuse for human being that there is. Did she not get a second chance after her talk show went off the air? Did she not get another chance after her magazine went belly up? Did they not give her another chance on The View? How many chances has she had that no one knows about?

My question to the producers of The View is how can you justify having someone starring in your show who is so negative...so cold...so barren when it comes to having a soul?

It made me sick to watch her and I now think that The Donald was right in everything he said. Quite frankly, I can't see myself ever watching The View again.

And speaking of rehab, I think Rosie desperately needs some anger management counselling for her addiction to negative thoughts and degrading behavior as well as her compulsion to share it with others. May I also add she needs help with her delusional thinking that we actually want to see her degrade herself and others on national television.

Here's one for you, Donald. And that's my view.

Are Your Expectations for a Partner Unrealistic

2007-01-28T01:08:00.000-06:00

I know an inordinate number of single people. Why are they single? Because the partner they want doesn't exist.

One man in his late twenties wants it all - a woman with brains, money, good personality - oh, and by the way, her hips can't be larger than his two outstretched palms. He is bald, slightly overweight and shallow. A woman in her late 40's wants Prince Charming - money, good looks, good personality, sense of humor - oh, and he has to mind his own business when she decides it's time to phone her specialist 2,000 miles away to psychokinetically rid her of the worms that infect her body from time to time. She has a "thing" about viruses, diseases, plagues, cancers and anything else a hypochondriac might fret about. A woman in her early 50's wants a 30-something year old boy-toy - but she's very overweight, aggressive, thinks like a stereotypical 60-year-old and refuses to change her ways. A woman in her early 30's flits from husband to husband...I can't even keep her name changes straight anymore. Each one is "the one" - until the next flavour of the year appears. She is beautiful...has a great body...and that's all there is, folks!

What are people really looking for? I don't think they even know.

But here's the reality check...

What are you offering? All those people looking for someone handsome or gorgeous with perfect bodies who are rich...why would they be interested in you? Think about it. Do you have the perfect body? Are you stunningly beautiful or ridiculously handsome? If not, why would someone "perfect" want to be with you? Are you rich? If not, why would someone who probably worked their ass off to be wealthy want to be with you?

So after over 40 years on this planet and more relationships than I can count, here's what I've discovered...

Like attracts like. That is what the buzzword "compatibility" is all about. If you are rich, you will attract someone rich. If you are an asshole, you will attract another one. If you are weak, you will attract another weak person or someone who preys on the weak. If you are a workaholic, you will attract another one. If you are beautiful and nothing else, you will attract another beautiful person who has nothing else to offer. In reality, your partner is a mirror image of the real you. And that's the key...not the "you" or the "face" that you present to others, but who you really are.

Celebrity Couple Predictions

2007-01-11T20:05:00.000-06:00

Some people use astrology or tarot cards for predictions.

My system is quite simple: observe the body language, include a few principles of human behavior, factor in past behavior and, of course, throw in a dash of fun.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: she won't leave him this year. As a matter of fact it may be a few years before the newest "Stepford bride" comes to her senses and realizes that she's nothing more than his latest acquisition. I suspect it will take an intervention on the part of her family to finally get her away from the Cruise cult.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kucher: he'll flee when her when her face implants cave in and she looks just like Lyle Lovett.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: she'll drop him the second Antonio Banderas becomes available. In other words, when Melanie has her back turned for a minute. Mel: skip the next Botox injection and get some eyes implanted in the back of your head.

Pam and Kid Rock: she'll go back to Tommy...instead of exchanging wedding vows, they'll both get another tattoo. Kid will go on a drunken binge and "come to" six months later only to find out he's married to Courtney Love.

Denise Richards and Ritchie Sambora: these two probably deserve each other. However, I think Denise is probably aiming a bit higher than an aging rock star and will set her sights on Brad Pitt. Angelina won't care as she will already be weaving her web around Antonio. Melanie...are you paying attention???

Women in Hocky

2006-09-23T00:00:00.000-05:00

Recently, a decision came down from a Human Rights tribunal that will allow two sisters, Amy and Jesse Pasternak, to play hockey with a boys' sports team.

Now I'm all for women's rights...but this is pure stupidity.

As a woman, I believe women should be able to be police officers...IF they are able to fight off someone bigger than me when I'm in trouble. Since we can't use our guns indescriminately in Canada, you'd better be a good fighter, honey.

As a woman, I believe women should be able to be firefighers...IF they are strong enough to carry me and anyone else from a burning building.

As a woman, I believe women should be able to play hockey...IF they can sustain a check and give a check like a man.

In these instances, yes, women can play a role. However, if these two sisters or anyone else that gets on a male hockey team cannot sustain the required punishment, then they should be off the team...no questions asked. Hockey is a rough sport and I for one do not want to see checks off the map because women are playing the game. If I want to see figure skating, I'll watch Skate Canada. If I want to see hockey...well, I want to see everything that is part of hockey, including the fights and the checks.

Some women can play a role...others cannot. Looking at the skinny lilttle Pasternaks, I'd say one check will send either of them to the hospital for a good long time. But, the rule is, if the chicks can't stand the heat...then they'd better get out of the kitchen!

Ladies and Tramps

2006-09-16T21:58:00.001-05:00

One of my co-workers called me over the other day to show me a picture on one of her favorite star gossip sites.

Before I could look away, she shows me a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a skimpy skirt with her legs spread showing the world what she has underneath.

Okay...so my first reaction is so what? All women have that. Big deal. My second thought is maybe she ought to invest in a trailer park and move in because that's where she obviously belongs.

Let's face it...ladies either wear panties or don't sit in such a way that they show off what's underneath. Tramps, on the other hand, just don't care.

But here's the deal with Lindsay...yes, she's cute. But her looks will fade. Yes, she has a good body, but that's going to go too. And there isn't any amount of money or plastic surgery that can stop it. From all accounts, her attitude is bad and she's constantly late for shootings. I don't care what industry you're in - with that kind of behavior, you're going to be fired and forgotten.

My prediction for Lindsay...if you don't clean up your act, within five years you will a nobody living in a dive in L.A. reminiscing to anyone who will listen about what you were and what you had. But, if you invest wisely, you'll always have a home in the trailer park.

Hairdressers

2006-08-01T23:32:00.000-05:00

While on vacation I went to have my hair done at the salon.

I've been pretty happy since my regular stylist (with a know-it-all attitude that drives away customers) decided to leave and they put me with someone else. However, my last visit was less than pleasant.

First, she dropped shampoo in my eye. I could feel it stinging and swelling up. Rather than let me deal with it, she got a towel and wiped it away...along with all my eye makeup on one side of my face. She left the other eye made up. When I mentioned it, she said "oh, you look fine".

I looked in the mirror and saw my left eye red and swollen and my right eye properly made up.

And then she did my hair using a new product. I ended up with a style that looked greasy and sat flat against my head, which doesn't suit me, and one puffed out eye, and THAT was the finished product.

Now excuse me for being a bitch about it, but when I'm paying $200 for the service, I expect to walk out of the salon (and through the entire downtown area) looking like a million bucks, not Quasimodo. And although the style for 20-somethings is a flat look, those of us over 40 DON'T ALWAYS SUIT IT. How hard is it for the hairstyling community to understand that? Do you only know one method of blow drying? Even if you are completely dense and don't know what I like, when I walk in with a bit of volume to the top of my head, does nothing register? How about asking?

What is it about hairstylists that make them think that you want the latest style rather than something that suits you?

Are cheaters simply cowards?

2006-06-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

Okay, so my friend is having an affair. His KGB answers to my questions only confirm it.

So what do you do?

In this case, I don't know his wife. I've never met her...never seen a picture of her. Perhaps she is the bitch from hell who stomps around the house with a wild look on her face and is always within range of the kitchen knives. She could also be Mother Theresa reincarnated.

However, no matter what she is or isn't, she is still a human being that deserves to know that, in his mind, the marriage is over. So why doesn't he sit her down and confirm what she probably already knows?

When a marriage is over, most people break it off and start anew. Some, however, choose to stay in the marriage and have their cake on the side. So, this leads me to wonder...are cheaters really just cowards who don't have the guts to confront their partners and end their dead marriages?

Is he having an affair?

2006-06-10T21:58:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine has a cottage 10 km from ours. We were e-mailing the latest news and I invited him to drop by.

He wrote back that he would, unless his wife was at the cottage with him in which case he probably can't because, as he puts it, she keeps him on a tight rein.

Of course, my antennas went up. He's coming to visit me and my husband...how "awkward" can that be? So I told him to spill...did he get caught doing something? For years he's been telling me that his wife watches him like a hawk and it was time to get down to the truth.

His response? "There are some things that should remain a mystery".

Well dear...no mystery here. Now the correct response to someone who was not having an affair would be "hell no...that's just the way she is" or something to that effect. His answer pretty much told me what I needed to know.

So of course, the next question becomes why stay in a marriage if you're looking around for something else?

Currently, I know three guys and one woman having affairs. This friend would be guy #4. So why do these people decide to get out their fishing lines and troll around for a live one instead of just leaving a dead marriage?

The standard answer is it's "because of the kids". Here's a reality check: your kids are not deaf, blind and stupid (even though you fight "when they're asleep") Guess what? They know that things aren't working out.

I personally lean towards it's "because I don't want to end up with just half of the assets" but that's just me.

The latest crime - curbing

2006-05-12T19:50:00.000-05:00

The son of a friend was the recent victim of "curbing". He and his girlfriend made the fatal mistake of walking to the nearest 7-Eleven to get some chips.

Curbing is the nouveaux chic "thing to do" for groups of cowards, idiots and others who are generally three sandwiches short of a picnic. These "gangs" drive around, pick a target and jump the person. Then they proceed to slam your head over and over and over into the concrete curb of a street and when you stop moving, I guess all the fun is over and you are left for dead.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, my friend's son was left alive. He has brain damage and his entire face was rebuilt with the help of metal plates. He will not walk the way he walked...he will not talk the way he talked...he will not think the way he thought...he will not function the way he ever functioned. He is 23 years old.

The police have not yet caught these idiots. And yes, they are idiots and, above all, cowards. And this is one of the reasons why the death penalty needs to be brought back into Canada. I don't believe that killing a person is a good reason for the dealth penalty...self-defence is at times necessary. But in a case like this when you leave someone alive to live the life of the walking dead, then you should die. BUT not before we harvest your organs and, hopefully, you are without anaesthetics when we do this.

And to all the special interest groups who magically appear when the words "death penalty" are mentioned and who cry, "oh but this person was abused" or "insert excuse here", why don't you take these "people" (and I use the term loosely) into your homes with your wives/husbands and children to "reform" them? Where are you then? Oh, you have no room? Oh...you're too busy? Oh...it's just not the right time? Or are you just a bunch of mouthpieces with nothing better to do than stir the pot?

IF the new Conservative government is listening, and IF there is a single active brain cell among you people, you will bring back the death penalty for crimes such as this that are based on nothing more than abject stupidity that render the victim dead yet alive.

If you live in Canada, e-mail your Member of Parliament and let's get some real consequences in place for people that commit these crimes.

Secret spending habits

2006-05-11T19:38:00.000-05:00

My friend and her ex-husband are finally speaking civilly to each other after a long, bloody divorce. He has recently remarried...he and his wealthy new wife have just moved into a brand new glitzy home that they filled from top to bottom with the latest furniture and accessories.

Imagine her shock when he announced to her out of the blue that he was thinking of filing for bankruptcy.

Her first reaction was "why is he telling me?" Her second thought was what the hell happened?

She then told me about his spending habits when they were married. They each had their own accounts and split the bills 50/50. Her son, who at the time was eight, used to tell her that "dad got another credit card in the mail". After hearing this a few times, she snooped around and discovered he had numerous credit cards that totalled over $25,000 of debt. She knew nothing about them and they had nothing new to show for it. When she confronted her husband, he couldn't explain where the money went. Or, perhaps wouldn't. He didn't drink, didn't smoke and didn't do drugs. So where did all that money go?

His new wife has a good job and her own money. She bought their house. She paid for her car. He referred to himself one time as a "tenant" in her home. So, my friend is asking the same question all over again - "where did his money go"?

Betrayal

2006-05-03T19:25:00.000-05:00

While we're on the topic of relationships, probably one of the most painful things is betrayal.

What is betrayal? Finding your ex-partner with your best friend is betrayal. So is discovering your current partner is having an affair. Or, finding that your best friend is going behind your back and telling lies about you or sharing your personal secrets is another form of betrayal. I don't think there is one form that is worse than the other.

Betrayal is in and of itself a power trip. It is done by people who never did love, like or respect you. It was always about them and what they wanted and they don't care what they do to you as long as they are happy.

When you've been betrayed you are awash anger, pain, helplessness and depression. Many times, this leads to a fear of any kind of relationship. You relive the pain over and over and wonder what you may have done to cause it...what did you do to turn this person off so completely. You start wondering when it began and think how could have been such a fool that you didn't see it? You become numb to your feelings and those of the people around you. You shut down, put up walls and allow no one into your inner fortress. This can go on for years and devastate current relationships and the possibility of new ones. You believe you are protecting yourself, but in reality you are allowing your betrayer to keep exerting power over you. Think about it...if they don't love, like or respect you, what do they feel toward you? Nothing. Just like they did in the beginning of the relationship, the middle of it and at the end. Nothing.

Can your friend ever date your ex?

2006-04-28T22:45:00.000-05:00

I've been following the Hollywood story of Heather Locklear/Ritchie Sambora/Denise Richards. I don't know any of these people, but I did start to wonder if there was any circumstance in which a friend could date your ex and it would be okay.

To get myself in the proper mindset, I thought of my ex whom I despise and quite frankly don't care who he dates. If anyone shouldn't care, it would be someone like me. But then I got to thinking that even though he's a despicable human being and a waste of space, it would be downright creepy if one of my friends decided that he was worth investing time in. This would be the female friend who knows all about you, your hopes, your dreams, your weaknesses...paired with your ex. I think if I were in that situation I might make the Guiness Book of World Records for incessant vomitting. And that's someone I hate. What would it do to you if it were someone you still loved? I can't even imagine the kind pain that would cause.

But then, although we all seem to focus on the other woman, what about the guy? How can he entertain the thought of being with your friend? Is this a revenge thing, or is it real? Did it just "happen" or was he fantasizing about your friend for while?

Of course, the other scenario is if you part on good terms...you and your ex both decide you're not right for each other and will simply remain friends. Then is it okay for your friend date your ex?

When it comes to relationships, are we willing to push aside everything in our quest to find "the right one"?

Save a Bureaucrat

2006-04-27T16:08:00.000-05:00

The buzz is all about a poor Ottawa bureaucrat who has set up a web site to solicit $1 million so he can leave the drudgery of his job. As of the time of this writing, his web site didn't work. Guess he needs the money more than we realize.

Anyway, news reports claim he will not spend this frivously and, when he hits the $10,000 mark, he will begin to give clues as to his identity. Right now, he's cagey as to whether or not he's with the government or a large organization.

He says "Retirement will free up my time for volunteer activities such as tutoring children and counseling people who are going through rough patches in their life".

So let me get this straight: he is so bored with his job that, rather than get off his ass and go through the bothersome motions of looking for another job, he has decided to throw his pride out the window and panhandle on the internet. Oh...and if we're really REALLY lucky, he'll start revealing his identity. I figure he's probably fat and ugly or he would be selling nude shots of himself. That would raise a whole lot of money a lot quicker I would think. And, we've already established he has no pride.

But then there's the issue of him counselling people who are going through "rough patches" and tutoring children. Would he be tutoring kids on the art of begging in place of working? Counselling people on the fine art of whining when things aren't the way you want them to be? I don't know...the guy just sounds like a loser to me.

You can read more about him on Canada.com at http://www.canada.com/globaltv/national/story.html?id=ce3a875d-18f7-4880-b15c-6c84242999a0.

Why Smoking Bans Should Frighten You

2006-04-15T22:18:00.000-05:00

There are any number of things that are "bad" for you depending upon which expert or topic becomes the media's flavor of the month. If we listened to every Chicken Little who had their 15 minutes of fame, we'd all stop eating, drinking and leaving our homes.

However, where the smoking bans are concerned, the incidious nature of this issue should truly frighten people.

With any item that becomes a concern to public health or safety, the general rule is research, produce the findings, try to educate people and allow them to make their own choices.

With this issue, there is no compromise. Why can't you have one restaurant choose to be a non-smoking establishment and the neighboring one choose to be a smoking establishment? People would then make their own choice - to patronize or not to patronize either business. It's not complex. But why the fanatical approach? Bottom line - who is paying for this campaign and how are they profiting? And when you find that out, what's next on the agenda?

What should really frighten you is not only that smoking is being banned, but we are being encourage to treat people who smoke as evil...as outcasts...as undesirables. Some companies are even firing people who smoke in their own homes. And this apparently is "okay". So if we can look down on one group of people, regardless of what positive and negative traits each person posesses and we stop looking at people as individuals, what is the next group than can be targetted? Those who are overweight? The poor? The unglamorous? The ugly? Those who belong to a certain cultural group? We just lump anyone within a category together and banish them from society because there is something we don't care for about them? When did this absolute madness start infecting society and why has it been allowed to continue for as long as it has?

And why has the public allowed so much money to be divested into this scheme? Couldn't this money be better used to help people who live on the street? What about increased law enforcement to get crystal meth, crack and other drugs off the street -drugs that do far more damage than someone lighting a cigarette. You've got children starving, kids joining gangs, increased violence, new diseases, pollution in your water and soil that contaminate what you eat, but huge sums of money and a tireless amount of energy is being devoted to stop people from using a legal product.

With all the mass hysteria being whipped up by groups funded to specifically create chaos around this issue, who is really profiting and what is next on the agenda?

Why women still can't get ahead

2006-04-07T20:38:00.000-05:00

There's been so many articles about the "glass ceiling" and "the old boys club", but what about the everyday barriers that women still battle?

Five years ago, when I was still single, I decided to leave my two bedroom apartment and buy a house. The divorce from my ex was finally settled, I got half the money for the house (minus the legal fees!) - he kept the furniture - and I thought that real estate would be a better investment than a mutual fund. Besides, I figured the money I was paying every month for an apartment could go towards a mortgage. So I got an agent who had been in the construction industry to help me find something structurally sound and made the purchase. I have to admit I was pretty proud of myself and couldn't wait to have my friends over and not worry about noise, parking or how loud I played my music.

Well, what awaited me was nothing that I ever expected in my wildest dreams.

When my five closest friends found out I was buying a house they were encouraging. Then, I had them over the day I moved in. My so-called "best friend" came in the afternoon while my mother was still over. She stepped into the house, looked around, stormed past my 80 year old mother nearly knocking her over, and stomped into the kitchen. When she returned to the front door, I saw rage like I'd never seen in her. She told me she couldn't stay because she had other plans and left.

The other four women came over that night. They were polite, but there was something in the air that I couldn't fathom. As the days went on, three of them faded away. The only one left was the one who owned a house too. She and I are still friends. One that disappeared came back after she bought a house, but by then it was too late - I'd seen her true colors.

As for my so-called "best friend", well that's a story of a truely evil human being best left for another time.

And in the end, I hate to say it, but women themselves can sometimes be the greatest barrier to another woman getting ahead.

IPEX vs. ITEC

2006-03-31T16:52:00.000-06:00

So we have La Senza, creator of the ITEC bra, versus Victoria's Secret and their latest bra IPEX. Victoria's Secret is suing La Senza for something minor, but this morning's paper didn't elaborate.

Okay, so here's a consumer perspective. I ordered the IPEX from Victoria's Secret and I love it. I've actually ordered many undergarments from Victoria's Secret and they're beautiful and durable.

I've bought a number of bras and other undergarments from La Senza and they all fall apart within a year.

So here's the way I see it - do you people at La Senza not have a single creative brain cell that functions? Is riding on the success of another company the best you can do? Or are you so stupid that you did absolutely no research outside your geographic area (Montreal) and news of a company called Victoria's Secret and their product named IPEX made you scratch your heads and say "Oh, I did not know that". Doubtful...

So here's the deal...how about you work on the quality of your clothing rather than trying to beat the competition by confusing the public. You don't confuse smart consumers. Actually, you piss us off. As of today, you're on my boycott list.

Some cool things I've found...

2006-03-30T16:41:00.001-06:00

For the record, I don't work for any manufacturer or retailer, so I'm not promoting these products because I benefit in some way. I just thought I'd pass on some things I've tried and found to be really cool products. And, of course, I'm also including the very un-cool things I've come across.

The Cool...

1. Volume Shocking Mascara from L'Oreal - oh my god it actually does what it says it's going to do...it makes my skinny little eyelashes look thick without looking clumpy. It's about time.

2. I happened up this nice little shop called Sugar that allows you to create your own perfume or scented body wash or body lotion. You go to the back and mix two or three scents and then tell them what you want.

3. Fruits and Passions...I just can't say enough about this place. They have botanical cleaners - glass cleaner, general all-purpose cleaner, hard stain remover -and they all work like magic. And, I might add, smell like fresh lavender. Very very cool.

4. Paul Mitchell products...they actually do what they say they're going to do. I've tried many different products in this line and they all work. Good stuff.

The not-very-cool...

1. KMS Maximum Hold Hairstay Hairspray - I have very fine hair and I used to swear by this stuff. Then they did the unthinkable - they changed the formula. Now the woman I buy this from at the salon swore up and down that their company rep told her only the label had changed...not the formula. It was the same product. Are you sure? I asked. Oh yes, she replied. They lied...it's crap...and yes, they changed the formula.

2. I wandered into Lush one day when I was just in the mood to spend ridiculous amounts of money on myself. Now how excited was I when I found little bowls of home-made masks that looked good enough to eat! I was ready to buy...buy...buy. The clerk informed me that of all the masks they had on display, they only had one in stock. Are you kidding me? Shut the damn store if you don't have the merchandise. Period. I'm not going back.

3. The Rival Crock Pot...got one for Christmas, used it twice and on the third try it was dead. Exchanged it and got another. The handle for the lid popped off the second time. I don't even want to know what next.

4. Lady Speed Stick...you know the one that says it doesn't leave white deodorant marks on your clothes? It does. Liars.

Things I learned after 40

2006-03-18T20:09:00.000-06:00

Like many people, I figured 40 was some sort of magical turning point for people. What it really did was prove that I still had a lot to learn.

Think of the job. For some reason, I thought that anyone over 40 just automatically became smarter, more respectful and had some special insight into what works and what doesn't. Sadly, I discovered that angry, miserable, disrespectful people remain angry, miserable and disrespectful. Lesson number one.

Lesson number two - your friends do change. Forty is a sort of turning point for relationships. Many people remain married "for the kids" and become more vocal about their unhappiness. Others find divorce to be the number one option. So you find that couples you used to associate with are now two single people that you try to hook up with but generally someone loses out because they won't be anywhere together. I also found that, even though your newly single friends protest that they hate being fixed up, they do find ways to inquire if you know someone single and, of course, if you know whether their ex is seeing anyone.

Many complain that after 40, their bodies change. I tend to disagree with this notion. Our bodies started changing after 30. If you didn't start eating right and exercising at that time, you end up with 10 or more years of neglect on your post-40 body and that's why it's not looking the way you want it to. Lesson three - look after yourself.

Some of us take a step back and realize we need to try a bit harder to bond with our teenage kids. Others try and look like their teenage kids. It's not a pretty sight. Lesson four - you can be their parent and you can be their friend, but you'll never be "buds".

In the end, I guess I learned that after 40, you have another lifetime of learning ahead of you.

Are shopping malls dying?

2006-02-25T12:35:00.000-06:00

One of the biggest complaints I hear from women over 40 is that they can't find anything to wear. Most shops in the mall cater to teens and 20-somethings and those that don't have, let's face it, crap. So, where do we shop?

Then came that glorious revolution known as the Internet where, lo and behold, I can simply shop from any online retailer smart enough to get their catalogue up and running.

That perfect body lotion picked up on a jaunt to Honolulu? I can order it and have it shipped within a week. The Jones New York collection that our local retailers aren't carrying? I can order that too. The latest La Prairie skin collection that isn't available anywhere in my city? I make a phone call and they send it to me.

So the question becomes why would I drive to the mall, fight for a parking spot, push my way through the crowds and wait for a sales person to give me service only to find that the only thing waiting for me are cropped tops and low rider pants that I can't wear when I can sit in the comfort of my home and find exactly what I want?

The Million Dollar Home Business

2006-02-10T23:11:00.000-06:00

Sounds great, doesn't it? If it's true, why are the majority of us dragging our sorry asses to work and not sitting at home counting our millions?

The answer is simple - this "business opportunity" doesn't exist.

We've all seen the ads on TV, in newspapers, on the web and junking up our inboxes. You respond to the ad, you're told to send money and all the information will be provided to you. Of course, nothing is sent and if you do receive something, it's untraceable and is only good for kindling a fire. It probaby cost $1.75 to prepare and that includes postage, paper and envelopes. Meanwhile, you've shelled out anywhere from $25 - $500 for this.

Do you truly believe that someone is going to "give" you the secret to make a million dollars without charging at least a million for this information? Did Bill Gates, Donald Trump, the eBay people, the Hiltons and "insert millionaire/billionaire here" use exactly the same, one-size-fits-all formula to get to where they are?

So here's the secret - if you are a bottom-feeder with no concience and basically get your kicks out of robbing people, there's the "million dollar" business. I believe the technical term for this is a "scam".

Can we ever retire?

2006-02-09T16:14:00.000-06:00

Everyone talks about retirement at 55, but when you think about it, can we realistically expect to retire?

We have bigger houses and bigger mortgages, new vehicles with big leases, we take big trips and make sure we have lots of toys to keep us amused at home. We think big and act big but our paycheques usually aren't big enough. Then we discovered that great invention called credit. Our new status symbol is how much credit we can get. And even though we promise ourselves never to use it all, we do and then we phone for more credit. And let’s not forget the kids! They want clothing (and specific types of clothing which, coincidentally, are not cheap), cell phones, iPODs, DVD players, computers with high speed internet, cars, college, big weddings and really does the list ever end?

In the past, the kids left home in their early to mid-twenties to create their own life. They got married, had 2.5 kids and were basically independent. Now, we see them move back home when the money runs out, the job ends, or the live-in relationship/marriage doesn’t work out. Indeed, I hear stories of kids who never leave! My mom has friend whose son is 45 years old and he has never left home.

People used to build nest eggs on which to live on when they retire. Now, people don’t have a whole lot of extra money to invest. Many men (and perhaps some women) are paying for one or two ex-spouses and who knows how many kids on top of everything else. Some are expecting to work well into their 70’s before they can afford to retire, given that they even live that long.

Have times changed that dramatically? Or did our generation have such an aversion to being like our parents that we overspent and overindulged our ourselves and our kids with no regard for the future?

"Driving" me nuts!

2006-01-30T13:32:00.000-06:00

I've been driving for a long time. I've seen pretty much every stupid move that can be made. Usually, it's a one-time thing.

Recently, though, I've noticed a disturbing trend. When I'm travelling down one of the main bridges or coming off the bridge and I'm doing 70k, I expect people waiting to merge onto the bridge to wait until they have an opening. Is that not the way traffic flows?

Now, I am seeing Mr-Nice-Guy drivers slam on their brakes to let the merging traffic in. I've almost rear-ended a couple of them. So the thing is you've let the car in, and that vehicle is going to get home 6.5 seconds faster than it would have if Mr-Nice-Guy hadn't let them in. In the meantime, Mr-Nice-Guy almost caused a 10 car pile up behind him. Now, what makes more sense...letting the merging vehicle wait, or being la-la-la-I'm-so-nice??

Message to anyone who does this: STOP IT! You don't slam on the brakes to let people in...especially when the bridge is icy! They can wait...when there's an opening they will merge. It's not rocket science! Am I wrong here?

Best and Worst Dressed at the Golden Globes

2006-01-17T19:05:00.000-06:00

I admit to watching the award shows...just to see what everyone's wearing, get some style tips and see what I could be wearing if my husband ever wins the lottery. I saw the commentators with their "best and worst dressed" lists and quite frankly, I think they are just sucking up to the stars. Even Joan Rivers has been muzzled!

I disagree with many of the picks, particularly the worst dressed. Now come on...be honest...that's our favorite part. I admit it. So I've picked my own worst dressed at the Globes. Ready?

1. The TV critics have unanimously agreed Pamela Anderson was the worst. Actually the worst part of her outfit was being able to see that faded "crown of thorns" tattoo on her arm. Other than that, I can't believe she actually covered herself up.

2. Drew Barrymore - go out and get a bra! Rule of thumb - when your boobs are hanging to your waist, the sisters cannot go free. And no...we don't want to see them...just like David Letterman didn't want to see them when you flashed him. I actually took the liberty of doing a poll amongst the guys at work. And guess what? They didn't want to see that much of you either! And what up with that green elf dress? Calling Santa...one of your elves is running around naked!

3. Maria Carey - oy vey. I don't know what kind of mirror she looks in before leaving home, but someone needs to tell her the reflective part needs to face OUTWARD! She's just too top-heavy to have two little itsy bitsy strips of material covering her assets. Save it for your husband/boyfriend/whoever you're sleeping with. Such a pretty girl...such bad taste in clothes.

4. Gina Davis - that full-on body shot when she was on stage was gruesome. She is just way too big around the hips to be wearing a clingy dress with an entire boudoir of drapery wrapped around her. She reminded me of a giant tropical fish. Save the outfit for the next "Splash" remake.

5. Melanie Griffith - beautiful woman, great figure, nice dress...and a giant black tattoo on her arm. You know, there are cute tattoos, classy tattoos, and then there are the gaudy home-made tattoos. She's got the latter. Go back to the trailer park honey...and take Pam with you.

6. Renee Zellweiger - how is it such a pretty girl always wears a color that makes her look like she just rose from her crypt? The worst is when she has the dark Medusa hair, but even as a blonde, she doesn't suit black or other stark colors. And how did she end up with helmet hair when they all take limos? Whoever is styling her must really hate her...and this person needs to be fired immediately!

Invasion of the Nannies - Part II

2006-01-06T23:22:00.000-06:00

I had a good laugh when I saw the futuristic society in "Demolition Man". I am not laughing anymore.

When did people suddenly become "sensitive" to everything and completely intolerant of anyone who isn't?

Like a runaway train, we are barreling down the tracks towared neurotic nirvana. Because I am allergic to shellfish, should all restaurants be banned from cooking it because I might taste it or smell it? Hamburgers and fries make you fat. So, because people cannot control themselves, and god forbid we have to be accountable for our actions, shouldn't we just ban every fast food joint - McDonald's, Wendy's, Sonic, insert favorite burger or chicken or pizza joint here. Oh, and after all, some people don't agree with the concept of meat, so let's just ban anything than comes from an animal. No leather, no butter, no eggs - we live off just fruit and vegetables and anything else we care to eat that comes from the land. Oh wait...didn't someone somewhere say that plants had feelings?? They scream when we pluck their leaves and pull them out by the roots? Okay...no plant matter either. We'll live on water and vitamin supplements. Hold it...water is not healthy if it comes from a tap. We cannot use anything scented, so we must ban perfume, laundry detergent, soap, body wash, shampoo, conditioners, hair spray, mousses and gels, bubble bath, room sprays, cleaning products and anything else with any kind of fragrance. Of course, it is not politically correct to be offended by people's breath or body odor, even though it can make us choke.

Now when a person's brain is actually functioning, one should be able to reason that perhaps people like me could just avoid places that serve seafood. What if people who don't like smoke could just avoid smoking establishments and patronize the non-smoking places? How about if those who don't like meat would just not purchase it and eat at vegetarian restaurants? And here's a novel idea - what if people who feel overweight and are unhappy about it skipped the fast food joint, went to the grocery store and bought themselves some healthy food to cook?

When you live in society, there are people. And when you have people, you have diversity. We live the way we choose to and let others live the way they choose to. Or, if we are so intolerant of our neighbors, there's always places to go away from civilization...it's called living in the bush. Perhaps that is an option for the intolerant.

Where did all the nannies come from?

2006-01-06T14:01:00.000-06:00

Remember when we were younger?

We lived on burgers, fries, Kentucky Fried Chicken and any other junk food we could get our hands on? Fruit and vegetables were optional, although we did argue that fries were vegetables. After all, aren't they made from potatoes? Meat was a staple in our diet and no one looked strangely at you when you ordered your steak "rare".

We used to go to the beach and bask in the sun for hours to get that California gold tan. We slathered ourselves with Johnson's Baby Oil and didn't worry too much when our skin started getting pink because we knew it would turn to golden brown.

We drank too much, smoked cigarettes and cigars, danced until the wee hours of the morning, and then headed out for burgers before we dragged ourselves home and flopped into bed.

We drank water from the tap, rode bicycles or walked to wherever we were going, primped for a night out under a cloud of hair spray, sipped on coffee all day long because it had "zero" calories, squeezed into tight tops and pants, wore the highest heels we could find, patted any animal we encountered, used scented soaps with scented lotion and then added perfume to the mix, and the list goes on. Need I say more?

We lived, we breathed, we caught the odd cold but otherwise we just kept on going. We didn't dissect everything that went into our mouths, onto our bodies or in our airspace. If something didn't feel good, we stopped doing it. If something hurt, we attended to it and moved on.

So when did the nannies start taking over?

It seems that every day there is someone somewhere lobbying to have something banned. Everything is bad for you and will kill you and the rest of us. The nannies have decided they alone must save us all by telling us what we can and can't do. And if we won't listen to them, then they will get the politicians to MAKE US listen to them.

And in the end, you know what is the real killer? The anger that eats at people who see others living in a way they deem incorrect. It's the raw anger born out of intolerance that drives people to take action to compel others to live the way they dictate we should. Having a differing opinion is not good enough - they must force the rest of us to live by their rules.

And that anger is what ages you...that is what makes you old beyond your years...and that anger is what will eventually cut life short.

That Age "Thang"

2006-01-04T19:40:00.001-06:00

People do funny things when they turn 40.

I had a friend whose birthday was five days before mine and she was going out of her mind.

She had two teenage children and a husband. They lived in a nice bungalow surrounded by (and I kid you not!) a white picket fence. Between her husband's salary and the money her parents slipped to her, she didn't have to work. Actually, she had never held a job longer than 2 months, but that's another story. The fact was, she didn't like to work - she preferred to sleep in, go shopping, and do things in her own time. Her kids were good kids - never in trouble, polite, did well in school - the kind of teenagers every parent dreams about. Her husband doted on her. As far as he was concerned, she was the only woman on earth.

Anyway, it was at this point she decided that she was getting older and was going to take drastic action to make her life more fulfilling. Her solution? She was going to date other men. Mind you, not just any men...younger men. And she was not planning on getting a divorce because she wanted to keep everything she had, except for her husband. She believed he would "understand" what she was going through and just up and leave voluntarily. Naturally, in this fantasy of hers, he would also leave behind the kids, the house and his claim to any money accumulated between them.

Back in the real world...

Little did I know that by time I found out what was going on, it had already begun. She broached the topic by pulling a crushed napkin out of her purse and sliding it across the table. I glanced at it and saw a name and telephone number scribbled roughly in what looked like black pen mixed with greasy fingerprints. "What's this?" I asked as I slid it back to her. She grinned and told me the story of having taken the car to the body shop and flirting with one of the mechanics. Her eyes sparkled when she related how young he was and that he had suggested they get together and passed on his particulars on the napkin. I guess shock got the best of me and I said with undisguised disgust "what are you doing?".

She had listed herself on one of the more popular dating sites and was responding to e-mails. She put her age as 29 but didn't place her picture on the site. It was "forthcoming". Now I am not trying to be mean, and many of us look pretty damn good for our age, but if you're going to lie, make up something that's reasonably believable.

We met for dinner a couple of times and I tried talking to her. Each time I saw her she had lost more weight. Now in my purview, there's slim, and there's skinny and then there's ugly skinny. She was the latter. She was trying to pull off the Carrie Bradshaw "Sex and the City" look - two long braided pigtails and a very eclectic pairing of pants and a top-thing. It works on TV...it doesn't often work in real life. Especially when she was wearing a long-haired wig with pony-tails that looked like a long-haired wig with pony-tails.

Unfortunately, I couldn't talk her out of "the plan". We drifted further apart and kept in touch with the odd "hi...how you doin'...gee I miss you" e-mails. I later ran into her ex-husband and his new girlfriend. She had gone through with the divorce. No one has heard from her since.

Do women have mid-life crises? Is this what you do when you can't afford the Porche Boxter convertable? She had everything, except her youth. And now, she has nothing.